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FC Porto 1 Liverpool 4: The Match Ratings

FC Porto 1 Liverpool 4: The Match Ratings

by Ben Johnson | Apr 17, 2019 | app, Featured Writing, Footie, Match Ratings

WENT to Portugal once. Room had no hot water. Jib it. Alisson: 8 Backs himself, like, doesn’t he? First minute, I’m him getting the ball to feet and I’m fucking head down, blammo, kicking it into the Atlantic. This fella is looking to play at every opportunity. Makes...
Liverpool 2 Chelsea 0: The Match Ratings

Liverpool 2 Chelsea 0: The Match Ratings

by Ben Johnson | Apr 14, 2019 | app, Featured Writing, Footie, Match Ratings

I DON’T know about you but I need this fucking season to hurry up and end. I’m like fourth season Bubs at this point. A ghost of a man. Hollowed out. Somehow, this morning I agreed to buy my bird a caravan if The Reds win the league. A fucking caravan. Like a...
Liverpool 2 FC Porto 0: The Match Ratings

Liverpool 2 FC Porto 0: The Match Ratings

by Ben Johnson | Apr 9, 2019 | app, Featured Writing, Footie, Match Ratings

Alisson: 7 Made two good saves in about a minute and then didn’t have loads to do. I write the same thing every fucking week, don’t I? Arnold: 8 Back up there with his best. Good defensively, good going forward. Great run for the second, great ball. Is right. Virgil:...

Southampton 1 Liverpool 3: The Match Ratings

by Ben Johnson | Apr 6, 2019 | app, Featured Writing, Footie, Match Ratings

Southampton Half time. Fuck me with a fucking big shiny shovel. Southampton Full time. Fuck me with a big shiny shovel. Alisson 7/10 Nothing to do first half but open his mouth in disgust at the shit show happening in front of him. Nothing to do second half except...

Liverpool 2 Tottenham Hotspur 1: The Match Ratings

by Ben Johnson | Mar 31, 2019 | app, Featured Writing, Footie, Match Ratings

I MEAN, for the love of everything that is holy, how the frigging hell are we meant to live our normal lives? Work tomorrow, yer? Yer, yer, sound. These civilians, just wandering around living their lovely, ordinary, no peaks no trough lives and The Reds are fucking...
Fulham 1 Liverpool 2: The Match Ratings

Fulham 1 Liverpool 2: The Match Ratings

by Ben Johnson | Mar 17, 2019 | app, Featured Writing, Footie, Match Ratings

REMEMBER that article that these wrote the other week about Hodgson in their match programme? That was weird, wasn’t it? Anyway, I am watching the game at home. It is incompatible with anyone having a nice time. I mean, people are trying to get on with their Sunday...
Bayern Munich 1 Liverpool 3: The Match Ratings

Bayern Munich 1 Liverpool 3: The Match Ratings

by Ben Johnson | Mar 14, 2019 | app, Featured Writing, Footie, Match Ratings

MAD the way they played The Vengaboys when the scored. Mad fuckers. Alisson: 7 Stood up well when they were in at 1-1. Did he have anything to do apart from be the best passer of the ball on the pitch? Trent: 7 They were trying to get after him all first half. They...
Liverpool 4 Burnley 2: The Match Ratings

Liverpool 4 Burnley 2: The Match Ratings

by Ben Johnson | Mar 10, 2019 | app, Featured Writing, Footie, Match Ratings

I’M saying that is The Reds’ best win of the season. It’s not an understatement to say that the weather all but tipped the balance in favour of them. Balls in the air were a coin toss, the wind was howling in some bits of the pitch, but not others. If Burnley...
Everton 0 Liverpool 0: The Match Ratings

Everton 0 Liverpool 0: The Match Ratings

by Ben Johnson | Mar 3, 2019 | app, Featured Writing, Footie, Match Ratings

Alisson: 7 Made a couple of half decent saves. Seen a Blue on the train with a Vanarama coat on before the game. A fucking sponsor on his coat. Fucking tramps. Trent: 7 Seemed keen to beat these Bluenose cunts. Started well, drifted out of it like all The Reds. Joel:...
Liverpool 5 Watford 0: The Match Ratings

Liverpool 5 Watford 0: The Match Ratings

by Ben Johnson | Feb 27, 2019 | app, Featured Writing, Footie, Match Ratings

THAT was fucking sound that, wasn’t it? I don’t care what you say, Big Elton is sound by me, lad. Massive rocket fella. Alisson: 8 Nothing to do apart from looking all sound and that until he has to make a point-blank bad boy. Not being funny but they are almost...
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