RatingsIdent

Southampton Half time. Fuck me with a fucking big shiny shovel.

Southampton Full time. Fuck me with a big shiny shovel.

Alisson

7/10

Nothing to do first half but open his mouth in disgust at the shit show happening in front of him. Nothing to do second half except admire the bollocks of this side in front of him.

Trent

6/10

Jesus Christ he struggled there first half. Flashes of brilliance, but gave it away for a laugh. Looked either injured or fucking goosed. Great decision to take him off.

Joel

7/10

When big Joel is sliding into centre mid like jockey Hanson on a Gary you know you are in a bit of trouble. He is like an absolute accountant who rubbed a lamp and wished to be a footballer. Still an accountant, just weirdly good stroke never want to see him play ever again. The maddest player any fucker has ever seen.

Virgil

8/10

Captain Virgil. Can’t do much about their goal. Mad the way he lashes in a performance like that and you are like yer he didn’t really do much. But, its probably up there with the top 100 centre half performances of all time.

Andy Robbo

7/10

Loved it when he fell over at the end and tried to head the ball at the lads feet.

Naby Keita 

7/10

Got pounced on every time he got it first twenty, and looked weaker than your ma’s kitten. Scores the goal off the back of one of their bellends heads. Grows into the game keeps the ball, shows for the ball, like every time. Like every time, which takes some doing. Deserved to stay on.

Fabinho

7/10

People cry like fuck when the doomsday midfield is picked but fuck me the first half effort was the opposite. Without the ball it was a shambles.   Ragged, sloppy, their goal a direct consequence of no one doing what they should be fucking doing. Felt sorry for Fabinho in that he had fuck all support of the other two. Looked well better when he had some legs around him second half.

Gini

6/10

Looked fucked. As in, I played fivos the other month. Said to me mate who asked me to play, what’s the standard like lad? You will be sound yerno it’s decent but you will be better than most. Great, turned up full of beans. What the little fucker didn’t tell me was every cunt was fitter than Mo Farah. I spent the hour doing shuttles and had to sit on the pan for an hour and and q half when I got home. My bird thought I was having a stroke. Gini that there.

Mo Salah

8/10

Not much space. Bits and bobs of hard lines. Put him in mo. Play him in mo. Mo? Mo? Bedlam. Took his top off, stood there, better than anyone I have ever seen. A god. Carved out of stone.

Bobby

8/10

Grafted as per, fiddled with his hair for a bit, a daft amount of unreal defensive headers, busted his cock off to have every fucker screaming at mo to lay him in. Great play for the Hendo goal. Hero.

Sadio. 

8/10

Picture the scene. Alder hey, 2012. 16 hours of labour. Mayhem, gowns everywhere, emergency surgery culminating in a genius NHS Dr, supported by 12 other amazing colleagues passes me my new born son, fit as a fiddle. The greatest thing I have ever seen in my life.

Until Sadio lashes in that tackle on the edge of our box and the reds break and the reds break and the reds score. Best there ever was. Sorry family.

Subs

Henderson

8/10

Funny isn’t it. The internet hates him, but then let’s not forget that the internet brought us a Trump America and a Brexit Britain. Maybe we should ignore the internet for a bit. Was tremendous when he came on. Bullied them. Set the tempo. Got the reds adding layer on layer of pressure. Scores. Celebrated. Stick that up your arse.

Milner

8/10

Come on, like his mate above and set a tempo and a half. Massive impact on the reds winning.

Degsi

8/10

Kicked one up in the air.

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