// THE MATCH RATINGS
Ben Johnson’s alternative approach to post-match Liverpool player ratings…
Liverpool 3 Southampton 0: Match Ratings
THERE’S Mark Hughes there, looking like yer nan got dressed in the wrong wardrobe again. Alisson: 8 Nothing to do, nothing to do, nothing to do, bang, 92 minutes, smart save down to his right. I love a smart save. Suit and tie. Trent: 8 Running out of things to say...
Liverpool 3 Paris Saint-Germain 2: Match Ratings
PARIS. Have you ever been? Romantic capital of the world, apparently. I’ve never been, but my bird's auld fella lived there for a bit. Said there is dog shit everywhere and you can’t lift your head off the floor. Jib it. Alisson: 7 He’s massive, you know. Watched him...
Tottenham Hotspur 1 Liverpool 2: Match Ratings
IT’S glorious winning at Wembley, isn’t it? We used to do it all the while y'know. Let’s do it all the while again, aye? Alisson: 8 Back to making his shit look easy, isn’t he? Loved it when that 1945 fella upfront for them tried to lob him with a header and he just...
Leicester City 1 Liverpool 2: Match Ratings
I TELL you what. They fucking love Kasabian in Leicester, you know. Like not just love them, proper freedom of the city shit. Like these are gods among men. The gods of the middle. Gods of skinny jeans, and silly sideys. The gods of pork chops. Fair doos to them. Any...
Liverpool 1 Brighton & Hove Albion 0: Match Ratings
WHEN you can't get the goal difference, settle for winning every game and never conceding again. Brighton seemed to have learned their lesson from last season and were well drilled to plug gaps and kick everybody in a red shirt on sight. Fair play to them, it still...
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// THE MATCH RATINGS
Ben Johnson’s alternative approach to post-match Liverpool player ratings…
Liverpool 3 Southampton 0: Match Ratings
THERE’S Mark Hughes there, looking like yer nan got dressed in the wrong wardrobe again. Alisson: 8 Nothing to do, nothing to do, nothing to do, bang, 92 minutes, smart save down to his right. I love a smart save. Suit and tie. Trent: 8 Running out of things to say...
Liverpool 3 Paris Saint-Germain 2: Match Ratings
PARIS. Have you ever been? Romantic capital of the world, apparently. I’ve never been, but my bird's auld fella lived there for a bit. Said there is dog shit everywhere and you can’t lift your head off the floor. Jib it. Alisson: 7 He’s massive, you know. Watched him...
Tottenham Hotspur 1 Liverpool 2: Match Ratings
IT’S glorious winning at Wembley, isn’t it? We used to do it all the while y'know. Let’s do it all the while again, aye? Alisson: 8 Back to making his shit look easy, isn’t he? Loved it when that 1945 fella upfront for them tried to lob him with a header and he just...
Leicester City 1 Liverpool 2: Match Ratings
I TELL you what. They fucking love Kasabian in Leicester, you know. Like not just love them, proper freedom of the city shit. Like these are gods among men. The gods of the middle. Gods of skinny jeans, and silly sideys. The gods of pork chops. Fair doos to them. Any...
Liverpool 1 Brighton & Hove Albion 0: Match Ratings
WHEN you can't get the goal difference, settle for winning every game and never conceding again. Brighton seemed to have learned their lesson from last season and were well drilled to plug gaps and kick everybody in a red shirt on sight. Fair play to them, it still...