// THE MATCH RATINGS
Ben Johnson’s alternative approach to post-match Liverpool player ratings…
Bournemouth 0 Liverpool 4: Match Ratings
NO Ben Johnson this week, so I’ve been given the honour of filling some big shoes. Didn’t expect to do much undies on your head chat, a la Ben, but also I didn’t expect Mohamed Salah to truly take the piss. What a performance from The Reds, and kudos to the manager in...
Burnley 1 Liverpool 3: The Match Ratings
ARE we still doing this footy watching thing? I mean, seriously? I thought we all decided that it couldn’t get any better than Sunday, for as long as we live, even if we find the pool off Cocoon and double bubble it with the magic mouse off The Green Mile and live...
Liverpool 1 Everton 0: The Match Ratings
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Honest to god, I’ve never seen anything like it in me life. That might have to do. Everyone gets 10. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. Fucking hell. We should have known. Three little mings dressed a bit like Father Christmas except in...
Paris Saint-Germain 2 Liverpool 1: The Match Ratings
MY only real gripe with The Reds there is that they are too soft. Marco Verratti, twat of a tackle, wants fucking bladdering and standing over. No one touches him. Neymar, flicking the ball over people's heads, diving, cheating, moaning and no one lands a fucking...
Watford 0 Liverpool 3: The Match Ratings
THEY fucking love getting their hair cut in Watford, you know. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen so many barbers in one gaff in my life. About 10, in a row, all of them chocker. Mad that, isn’t it? Alisson: 7 Tried to pass one to Firmino at centre half first half but fucked...
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// THE MATCH RATINGS
Ben Johnson’s alternative approach to post-match Liverpool player ratings…
Bournemouth 0 Liverpool 4: Match Ratings
NO Ben Johnson this week, so I’ve been given the honour of filling some big shoes. Didn’t expect to do much undies on your head chat, a la Ben, but also I didn’t expect Mohamed Salah to truly take the piss. What a performance from The Reds, and kudos to the manager in...
Burnley 1 Liverpool 3: The Match Ratings
ARE we still doing this footy watching thing? I mean, seriously? I thought we all decided that it couldn’t get any better than Sunday, for as long as we live, even if we find the pool off Cocoon and double bubble it with the magic mouse off The Green Mile and live...
Liverpool 1 Everton 0: The Match Ratings
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Honest to god, I’ve never seen anything like it in me life. That might have to do. Everyone gets 10. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. Fucking hell. We should have known. Three little mings dressed a bit like Father Christmas except in...
Paris Saint-Germain 2 Liverpool 1: The Match Ratings
MY only real gripe with The Reds there is that they are too soft. Marco Verratti, twat of a tackle, wants fucking bladdering and standing over. No one touches him. Neymar, flicking the ball over people's heads, diving, cheating, moaning and no one lands a fucking...
Watford 0 Liverpool 3: The Match Ratings
THEY fucking love getting their hair cut in Watford, you know. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen so many barbers in one gaff in my life. About 10, in a row, all of them chocker. Mad that, isn’t it? Alisson: 7 Tried to pass one to Firmino at centre half first half but fucked...