// THE MATCH RATINGS
Ben Johnson’s alternative approach to post-match Liverpool player ratings…
Aston Villa 7 Liverpool 2: The Match Ratings
THE thing about retaining the league is it’s a bit like winning a pie-eating competition, only to be told the prize is more pies. And let’s be honest, we ate a shit load of pies last season, way more than we needed to. The Spanish Pie Head in second place just kept...
Liverpool 0 Arsenal 0 (4-5 Pens): The Match Ratings
SEE Arsenal brought back that weird Doom Metal font? I’m not saying that Arteta and his big lego head read my match ratings on Monday but someone’s tipped him off. Fucking snide that. I might have to start putting these behind a paywall. Or stop talking about fonts...
Liverpool 3 Arsenal 1: The Match Ratings
ONCE I saw they’d stopped using that Doom Metal font on the back of their shirts I knew we’d win. In the Charity Shield, I couldn’t work out if BELLERIN, KOLASINAC AND AUBAMEYANG were Arsenal players or next year’s headliners at Download. And anyone who’s been around...
Lincoln City 2 Liverpool 7: The Match Ratings
I HAD a blind date in Lincoln once, with a woman from Branston. We met in the cathedral, had a quick look for the Imp, found him, and then walked up a hill so steep that it was litetally called Steep Hill. We then caught our breath, had a drink and got to know each...
Chelsea 0 Liverpool 2: The Match Ratings
IN April 2010, the playwright Alan Bennett wrote... “The open mouth of Chelsea's Frank Lampard, having scored a goal, is also the howl on the face of the damned man in Michelangelo's Last Judgement.” As you can see below, he had a point. So who’s this Damned Man fella...
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// THE MATCH RATINGS
Ben Johnson’s alternative approach to post-match Liverpool player ratings…
Aston Villa 7 Liverpool 2: The Match Ratings
THE thing about retaining the league is it’s a bit like winning a pie-eating competition, only to be told the prize is more pies. And let’s be honest, we ate a shit load of pies last season, way more than we needed to. The Spanish Pie Head in second place just kept...
Liverpool 0 Arsenal 0 (4-5 Pens): The Match Ratings
SEE Arsenal brought back that weird Doom Metal font? I’m not saying that Arteta and his big lego head read my match ratings on Monday but someone’s tipped him off. Fucking snide that. I might have to start putting these behind a paywall. Or stop talking about fonts...
Liverpool 3 Arsenal 1: The Match Ratings
ONCE I saw they’d stopped using that Doom Metal font on the back of their shirts I knew we’d win. In the Charity Shield, I couldn’t work out if BELLERIN, KOLASINAC AND AUBAMEYANG were Arsenal players or next year’s headliners at Download. And anyone who’s been around...
Lincoln City 2 Liverpool 7: The Match Ratings
I HAD a blind date in Lincoln once, with a woman from Branston. We met in the cathedral, had a quick look for the Imp, found him, and then walked up a hill so steep that it was litetally called Steep Hill. We then caught our breath, had a drink and got to know each...
Chelsea 0 Liverpool 2: The Match Ratings
IN April 2010, the playwright Alan Bennett wrote... “The open mouth of Chelsea's Frank Lampard, having scored a goal, is also the howl on the face of the damned man in Michelangelo's Last Judgement.” As you can see below, he had a point. So who’s this Damned Man fella...