YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO… WATCH IT ON THE TELLY

I FIRST remember all this back in the Comprehensive days. The scrunched-up face and scowl from a kid who was too cool for school: “You’re an armchair, lad.” At the time, aged about 13, I was. Violins out, but I’ve never been to a match with my...

MATCH REVIEW: LIVERPOOL 0 WEST HAM UNITED 3

FINAL whistle goes and I’m furious. Furious with Liverpool, furious with them for losing when there’s a big Saturday night planned, for placing that in jeopardy. I’m furious with them because Basement Jaxx are playing in Sefton Park and they...

MATCH RATINGS: LIVERPOOL v WEST HAM UNITED

WASN’T expecting that. Maybe a different approach was needed for a home game. Either way, it doesn’t help if you concede after a couple of minutes. Two weeks to have a think for Brendan. Need to figure out how we score goals. Simon Mignolet 6 Didn’t...

LIVERPOOL v WEST HAM: THE ANFIELD WRAP PREVIEW

BLUENOSE Bilic rocks up at our manor. Gives it the bollocks about wanting to smash our heads in. We’re having none. The Reds kick his happy Hammers until their claret turns blue and send them yelping like piggies back to whence they came. Winston. Brand. Alf Garnett....

ARSENAL v LIVERPOOL: MATCH RATINGS

BEEN nervous about this game for about five days. Bloody Monday night fixtures. Dragging out the torment. But this is what happens when football games matter again. Long may it continue. Must warn you though. A pub quiz has come on in the pub I’m in so I might...

ARSENAL 0 LIVERPOOL 0: MATCH REVIEW

ARSENAL have you on pins. Before the game we talk about how Arsenal away ties with City as the worst away. Because they have you on pins. Chelsea bludgeon you. United wear you down. But Arsenal and City have you on pins. They probe. They pen. They ratchet up the...

ARSENAL v LIVERPOOL PREVIEW: RODGERING WENGER

ONCE upon a time, the Australian-born theorist, academic and journalist Germaine Greer confessed that, forced to name names, she would deffo shag Arsene Wenger. The truth remains that many of his own brethren wouldn’t do Arsene. They round on him at the turn of...