I’M not sure if you are aware, but someone writing for The Anfield Wrap last week apparently referred to the current England manager as the Devil. I know, it’s outrageous isn’t it? Whoever it was should be ashamed of themselves. I’m fairly sure they will have been sternly and suitably reprimanded for this awful misrepresentation but this writer can only apologise on their behalf for the shame that this alleged association brought on to the individual and the hurt they must have felt to be compared to such an abhorrent figure (That should be enough to get the Devil’s brief off our case for a bit Robbo, what do you reckon?).
Before all you Cockneys dress up as St George and come to try and slay us all please note that I am only messing. Also bear that in mind when you read this next bit, as it might seem that I am purposefully trying to wind you up. I know you love him and that and he is one of your own but what the frigging hell is going on with Harry Kane?
I mean, he bangs them in but have you seen him? Never has a face looked so out of context on the football pitch. It is like his head has walked through the Goodnight Sweetheart time-lapse alleyway and appeared on the pitch attached to the body of Alan Shearer, scoring goals in spite of himself, with his head playing a constant game of catch up to the events and the body surrounding him.
If that wasn’t bad enough then you hear him speak and he sounds like he is talking through his 1940s’ mouth while harbouring three pickled eggs in his cheeks like some kind of giant Cockney bird. Perhaps the ready availability of protein is the reason why he is so good.
His goal on Saturday was absolutely brilliant mind — the first touch was as good as you will see, opening up the angle and completely wrong-footing Dejan Lovren in one move, allowing him the slightest chance to score.
Kloppo talked about us switching off the machine for a minute in the run up to the goal but I think sometimes credit has to go to the fella who has just made something pretty much out of nothing.
Yes, Lovren is slightly too close to Kane but, in fairness, I don’t think he can reasonably be blamed for the goal due to the quality of what Kane does. Either way, it was really hard lines for The Lov as he was excellent from start to finish.
If we switched off the machine in the seconds leading up to their goal then Christ knows what Mamadou Sakho was doing to it in the first half.
My guess is purposefully trying to dismantle it into its component parts while it was going full pelt — the equivalent of putting your hand inside the washing machine while it is on spin cycle and trying to pull out the drum.
It wasn’t the first time that Kloppo has commented on the others team’s best chances coming from our lads passing to them and you get the feeling that he is getting a little bit fed up with it now.
I like Sakho a lot but he does have an Igor wacky 10 minutes in him every now and again and you can understand the manager getting pissed off with it. What is the point of trying to pressurise a team all over the park and prevent them from having a minute’s peace or a shot on target and then gift-wrapping them the ball in the final third with all our lads up the pitch?
You want reliability out of your centre halves not someone who is going to be man of the match one week and then crackers the week after. Lovren has started to show this over the last few months and Sakho will have to do the same if he is going to convince the manager that he should remain in his plans.
There has been a fair bit of criticism of Dan Sturridge’s performance with questions around work-rate and attitude, his supposed inferiority to Harry Kane and how he is well behind him in the England pecking order.
Firstly, on the England thing, that’s sound, let that ‘The Devil Wears Big Watches’ frigger test Harry Kane’s mettle and run him into the ground until he can’t walk for six months rather than super Dan. I don’t think his mettle has got another Hodgy hod-carrying special in it.
Secondly, he does brilliantly for our goal. His movement in between their lines is great and the timing and pace of the pass is perfect and almost makes Coutinho’s mind up for him.
Sturridge is also unlucky with the header in the second half and maybe snatches at the chance in the first half instead of having another touch and slotting it as per usual. Perhaps this is the first time in his Liverpool career where he is struggling for a bit of confidence and just needs a bit of support.
Calling him lazy seems, well, a bit lazy to be honest. Especially when it is whacked about by people who do well to get their socks on never mind dealing with the demands of playing up front for a Klopp team.
What do you want out of your centre forward? I want him to be a threat, for the opposition to worry about him and for him to score loads of goals. Not sure about you, but I would put my money on Dan Sturridge outscoring any of the other centre forwards at the club.
I’d put my money on him creating more goals than any of the other forwards at the club, too. I’ll take that for now, I think. There is more value to it than having nothing but work-rate up front.
Divock Origi has potential coming out of his ears but he is nowhere near as dangerous a player. What do you prefer — guile and craftsmanship, or graft? If it’s the latter why don’t we just sign Lee Cattermole and lash him up front? Or maybe get Momo back?
Luis Suarez aside, I’m not sure you get both in the same player and, in fairness to him, I think Sturridge is trying to do what Klopp demands but is still struggling to get back to full fitness after not playing since we all had hair and were two stone lighter.
Let’s give Sturridge a break and maybe some support. What about a new song? Why did Danny Murphy get that “Super Danny Murphy” song when he was:
a) Not super
b) A bit of a massive wool
c) Dead slow
d) Probably average?
Why can’t Sturridge have it? It isn’t the best, but people seemed to like to sing it and we all know that is what is important with the Anfield songbook — the subject doesn’t tend to matter.
After all, John Arne Riise got his song sung every week and he was so shite that me and Neil went on the ale when he was sold (the old Korova, had a good night if truth be told, we hugged on arrival). It was a genuine case of “town” when the news broke.
Either way, and this could be out of line, but singing a song about our most prolific player might encourage him a bit more than calling him “a lazy twat”. It might be worth a go. If it doesn’t work you get to call me a gobshite and then get to crack on with the lazy bastard shouts like it’s Easter Sunday and you gave it up for Lent.
The performance and result on Saturday felt like further confirmation, if any was needed, of the progress made to date under Kloppo and how much more there is to come.
I don’t think it is too much of a leap of faith to think that we might challenge next year given the improvements made already and the potential that is evident in the majority of performances.
Tottenham are a good team and we more than matched them. I’ll take that for now.
Dortmund on Thursday night will bring another chance to prove what we are all about. They are another good team that might have too much for these Reds or might not. What I’m looking forward to is to witness the love they have for Klopp and to think that we might love him that much in the future.
What are we going to be like when the machine doesn’t knock off or stop working and we haven’t got any lads trying to willingly or unwillingly sabotage it? Craig Johnston rapped about this years ago: “No-one knows quite what to expect, when the Red Machine is in full effect”.
I don’t know either, Craig, but I can imagine — and I’m fairly sure — it is going to be glorious.
Up the Mighty Reds.