Ben Johnson’s player ratings for The Anfield Wrap after Crystal Palace 0 Liverpool 0 in the Premier League at Selhurst Park…


Alisson: 6

Nothing to do which is a blessing and the most positive outcome of the whole fucking game.

Trent: 5

I mean that was flying in, and then it nearly knocked Henderson’s head off. Seemed to have a massive cob on with everyone aside from himself and he was the fucking divvy who let someone shrug him off the ball on the edge of his own box and nearly score and then been relatively shite. Don’t know. Is he a worry? If I’m him I’m not overly made up that a 37-year-old fella Is getting a game ahead of me.

Joel: 5

See above but without the snarling attitude and more of the can’t-kick-the ball-itude. Mad second half when he wafted a header off a corner and then wafted a half a flick of a shoe at the follow up shot. Fucking hit it you dollop.

Virgil: 6

Not really sure what to say about him. Par.

Robbo: 6

Probably The Reds’ best player first half. Kept getting the ball kept getting us up the pitch. Not in it second half, which wasn’t a surprise as we were shit.

Naby: 5

Yellow card early on and spent the rest of the half trying to test the ref’s mettle around where the next yellow might feasibly lay. Not sure I would have him coming out for the second half really. Jürgen agreed.

Henderson: 5

Fucking big stupid head blocking the top corner. Last ditch defending bro, nearly knocked him out. Does OK. But Liverpool don’t have a chance second half. Not one.

Milner: 5

Wild that he stays on at right back after fucking legging his cock off. Tells its own tale.

Salah: 6

What an effort against the bar. First time, bobbling. So unlucky. Great ball for the Gakpo chance. Must be getting pissed off to be playing in this team.

Jota: 6

Tried to trap it against the post with his head. Looked bright. Couldn’t get in it in the second half when The Reds were broadly shite.

Gakpo: 5

Relatively bright Gakpo first half. When he gets it with his back to goal. Good link-up play. Need more threat from him though. Not sure he touched the ball second half which isn’t great really. Checked on 75 whether he went off when he made them changes, but I think he stayed on which tells its own story. Anonymous. Should do better maybe with the one on 80.



Big fan of the boy when The Reds pressed successfully for the first time second half and Elliott passed it straight past all our lads to our 10 on the break. Bravo.


Needs to start guzzling Nescafé quick smart, one fucking flat white an hour, as this decaf diet has made him a fucking plodder of a crab.


Come on.


Come on, couldn’t run.

Liverpool created pretty much nothing all game. Sound that.

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