Ben Johnson’s player ratings after Liverpool 2 Leicester City 1 in the Premier League at Anfield, as Virgil van Dijk stands out…


WELL, that was nice sending that squad of boring twats off for a nice long drive home.

Alisson: 7

Absolutely nothing to do except a few punches and a bit of a strut about. Oh hang on, I tell a lie that save from Maddison, the little doll head, first 10 minutes was fucking brilliant by the way. Little porcelain doll. Victorian porcelain doll head dolling around in centre mid.

Trent: 7

Thought first 20 he struggled a bit. The balance down the right side was well off. Grew into it and then was well Trent, whereby you expect excellence and end up getting a bit pissed off if he occasionally isn’t excellent.

Virgil: 10

Thought it was as good a display we have ever had off him. Seriously, he was impeccable. Unplayable. Imagine he was a forward. Every cunt would be banging about the unplayable tag. He is unplayable. You can’t compete with him. It is like trying to race a horse.

Big Joel: 8

I didn’t think he was quite at his best tonight, thought he was sloppy for the Maddison chance first 10, and gave it away a few times but let’s be straight. He is the most underrated centre half in the league. The understanding between him and Virgil, the reading of the game. He has the ability to do it all. And to top it off his little mazy fella runs are so good. Loved his assist.

Robbo: 8

Did he get pushed into the post first half? Looked like a pen all day to me but I mean, I was about as far away as possible from it, and to be fair you could probably reasonably argue that I am a little partisan. Was great second half.

Fabinho: 9

So good. That little triumvirate of the centre halves and him is such a foundation for all the footy. Just such an ability to pick the bits up.

Thiago: 9

He was tremendous tonight. Grew into it. Was quite sensible first 20, then just started to turn the screw. Got a grip. Won his bits. Then won all the bits. All of them, all over the gaff. Hike is so good to watch. Everything you would want to be yourself on the pitch.

Curtis: 5

Played like he had fucked the team meeting off, stayed in his hotel room, had a massive bong, a Chinese and a fuck off big watch of Discovery+. Fucking gold hunting white water rapids or whatever. Building a bridge and then mooching through rocks looking for nuggets. We’ve all been there, Curtis. Some of us have actually turned up having had a massive bong and had to go sub. Yer, can’t really see, boss.

Diaz: 8

He is such an intelligent footballer. That’s the first thing to say. He sees the game around him. A proper Liverpool player. Not a winger as such, just an all round footballer. Mad cunt in a way. Freezing again tonight still got a short sleeve top on. I’ll say it again. Is it freezing in Colombia on the sly?

Jota: 9

I don’t like him on that right hand side. Think it takes all his threat away. Was going mad about it and then he banged and we are where we are. Love how he twats it. Yer, I’m just going to twat this in that goal. That alright for everyone? Sound lad. Little scally.

Firmino: 7

Thought he was alright. Just alright. Gave it away a bit and wasn’t quite at his best, but I mean, these days that’s no big deal is it?


Salah: 8

Come on with a sense of angst about him, and is tremendous. Could have had a hat trick. The fucking curler from the edge of the box that hits the bar? Christ. The touch to send himself through one on one? Christ. Hope he doesn’t get inside his own head with his fume.

Elliott: 7

Grafted. Wasn’t quite as good as the other day but still sound all the same. What an option off the bench.


Legged it.

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