Ben Johnson’s player ratings after Burnley 0 Liverpool 1 in the Premier League at Turf Moor, as Joel Matip leads the way…
Alisson: 9
Seems like there are two set scripts for Ali on these ratings that we can just pick between. Option A. Had nothing to do except stand still and look lovely. Option two, oh my fucking god what a keeper. How fast is he across the ground? How quick is he when someone tries to go around him? How unreal he is full frigging stop? First half it was a big bowl of the latter.
Didn’t really have much to do second half that mattered, because they were basically offside as soon as they stepped into our half. Wild really. That offside trap is basically cheating.
Trent: 6
Wild when you are playing a twat of a side, in a fucking hurricane and you give your right back a free role to do whatever he wants. I couldn’t believe my fucking eyes when he popped up in their box on the left hand side. I’d have had Konate on at right back like an absolute Houllier head and we would probably have got beat so, you know, maybe I’m the bellend.
Matip: 9
Was tremendous today. It can’t be stressed how tricky that game was and The Reds just erased the peril. Took it all, boxed it up and fucking launched it. He was everywhere. Marking an absolute fucking giant, with a massive big gap to his right because Trent was like fucking Dalglish or whatever, and he just kills any threat time and again. Unreal.
Virgil: 8
It’s mad watching The Reds when you aren’t in the ground, because loads of the chances they end up having are not chances in the slightest because they were offside, but the bellend commentators aren’t arsed and tell you all about them. The impression you get as a consequence is that we struggled at times, especially first half when in reality we maybe struggled once. Virgil, in my head, struggled a bit first half but in reality was probably almost perfect. Great second half. No fucking messing.
Robbo: 8
I thought he was good today. Great work up and down the left-hand side and one of only a couple on the pitch who looked like they could actually attack with any kind of composure today.
Fabinho: 8
Funny that he bangs them in now. Like he has completed defensive midfield so much that he just downloaded goal poacher for a laugh. Was great all round today, along with the centre halves and Thiago when he came on, just controlled everything. His goal was funny. Think he was there to block to create space for Virgil and everyone fucked off so he just helped himself. Cheers lads.
Hendo: 5
Christ, he had the game Curtis had the other day. Must be like a virus that gets passed from man to man. Was pretty shite, which happens. I do worry about him, though. I don’t know, just seems miles off it. Not imposing himself, not able to press with any kind of effectiveness at the minute. Looks like he can only run in a straight line which isn’t really that useful unless you are doing the hundred metres.
Naby: 7
I thought he was good today, Naby. One of the few who could keep the ball and play a decent forward pass. Put an absolute shift in. Crap at sprinting, though. See him legging after them early in the second half down the left? Looked like he had shit his kecks. Reckon he has had the old Michael Owen treatment, don’t run like a normal fella because if you do your hamstrings will explode so now he runs like AI is controlling his lower body. Fucking Krang.
Sadio: 6
Good couple of efforts in the first half but the pass through to Salah when we were three on one at the end of the first half was borderline disgusting. It kept happening all day really, that. Not just Sadio, everyone. The Reds were through, three on one, two on one, whatever, and they just made terrible choices or passing it awfully. Probably a bit harsh seen as though it was windy and that but still.
Mo: 6
Frustrating day for Mo. Don’t see why it isn’t a penalty other than because it was Mo that was fouled and, I don’t know, we don’t give pens to Mo unless someone shoots him, or best case a bit of a mild stab. Even then I reckon it would need VAR to intervene. Shite pass for Jota when we were three on one again.
Bobby: 6
I don’t know. He was nearly good today, Bobby. Thought he started well and then went downhill fast. Another one I worry about, as we might have run his fucking legs off him for five years and now his legs are goosed. Frustrating as he got into good positions coming from deep, but the final ball or decision was shite.
SUBS
Thiago: 8
Was absolutely brilliant when he came on. Just slotted in and kept the ball. And then kept the ball. And then kept it a bit more. What a player.
Jota: 6
Couldn’t really get in it. Would have scored if Mo had give him a better ball.
Milner: 6
I love an auld fella coming on in the last few minutes and saying stuff like defend for our lives or whatever.
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Naby derserved an 8, cracking performance controlled and busy. Nice one Naby lad.
“ Cracking performance “ from Naby??
What game were you watching?
One shot apart, he was as underwhelming as hes been for most of his Lpool career.
He has neither the game intelligence or stamina for this league.
He couldn’t lace Thiago’s bits.
Will be unloaded this summer.
Bobby – I fear- is in his last few months with us… he is like Kuyt for the last couple of seasons… no real goal threat, poor forward passing but great pressing/attitude…but that’s not enough to start for this team- in my opinion. Hendo I think has a good bit left in the tank but really looks like he needs 4 weeks off … going on the lash- zero training..loads of chippies!!!