Ben Johnson highlights five things we learned from Liverpool’s 1-1 draw against Brighton in the Premier League…

 

1. I mean, it is getting a bit silly now this VAR business…

Feels like The Reds have seen a black cat whilst walking under a ladder, climbed to the top of the fucker, jumped off it with a big mirror, bludgeoned said cat to death with it, then got in our car and run that four-legged shitbag right over, and then reversed back to make sure.

Honestly, how many more of these decisions are going to leg us all over the place? When the lad who gets kicked is smiling and calling it a soft pen and not one of their players asks for it at the time then there is something wrong somewhere in the old ‘clear and obvious’ category.

Ultimately, it is a nonsense. It is changing the very fabric of the game. The way it is experienced. The idea behind it, the fucking big sell they gave was that it would be worth it for the correct decision. It’s not, lads. It is definitely not.

I’m sat down, not celebrating goals. Not celebrating disallowed goals, or goals where there is surely no possible chance it can be ruled out because some fucking fridge in his ref’s kit in a metal box with a telly is currently tracing through every fucking angle trying to find a clip that shows someone brushing up against someone inappropriately, or suggestively, or frowning or something.

Honestly, these fellas are bad enough in real time. To then give them the opportunity to further compound their own chronic miserable interpretation of the laws of the game is the main fucking issue here. I wouldn’t trust these fellas to mind my cat and there’s two things about that sentence. I fucking can’t stand cats and I haven’t got a cat.

I suppose, given my irrational hatred of cats, I probably would let these fuckers mind my cat so they would lose it or sit on it in error or something, so never mind.

Anyway, the long and short of it is these are meddlers, meddling in something they don’t understand. They don’t understand the value of a last-minute winner, they literally decided to be refs. They don’t appreciate the value of a let off, or the feeling of getting away with a dodgy one when you are hanging on. They appreciate good advantages and that, get semi-ons for shirt pulls and telling people off.

Honestly, its hard enough having to watch the game on your own at home but to then have these soft fuckers contrive to make it as shite as possible is really like someone smearing cat shite all over your face. Saturday fucking ruined, where is that fucking cat when you want it? Poke that imaginary fucker right in the eye.

(No cats were harmed in the writing of this semi-serious shite.)

Liverpool's Mohamed Salah celebrates after scoring, but it was disallowed after a VAR review, during the FA Premier League match between Brighton & Hove Albion FC and Liverpool FC at the AMEX Stadium

2. Honestly, the referee…

Sorry to go on and that, but that decision he gave when Nat Philips clashed heads with their lad might be the worst decision I have ever seen anyone make ever.

Remember Third Rock From The Sun? The premise of the show, for those who don’t know, was that a squad of aliens were living in America as humans and the joke was that they didn’t understand the world. They would see an apple and think it was a dog or evil or whatever.

These referees are that alien squad. Looking at a set of circumstances and completely missing the jist of the whole fucking enterprise. That said, I reffed my lad’s team in a friendly a few months ago. The ref was late. Kicked off the game, let it flow, talked the lads through it, was fucking great. Ref turned up and the ball went out and I handed over to him smug as fuck.

“How long’s left in the half,” he asked me. “Errrr, about 10 minutes mate, I reckon”. I hadn’t started a watch, or even considered the idea of it. So you know, those in glass houses and that.

3. The Reds did well, all things considered…

Struggled first half with the defence more than the midfield. It kept dropping at the wrong time, leaving all kinds of space all over the place. That’s obviously natural when you have got three lads who don’t normally play on the pitch. Managed the game really well second half, deserved to go ahead just unlucky really that we couldn’t see it out. Would like us to start winning all of our games again soon, though. That was well better.

Liverpool's Diogo Jota celebrates after scoring during the FA Premier League match between Brighton & Hove Albion FC and Liverpool FC at the AMEX Stadium

4. Mo was fuming there, wasn’t he?

I like that, it shows his mentality. Fancied a few goals, he was right to fancy them. In hindsight it would have been better to keep him on, but then if we had he probably would have snapped his banjo off and that would be that. Klopp said it right, if he was happy coming off the pitch then there would be something wrong.

5. Thiago didn’t play, again…

Honestly, what is going on? Has he been kidnapped? Can someone manage our expectations here somehow? And when I say manage our expectations can you just confirm he hasn’t retired? From the point he got hurt the impression has been that he will be back next week. That was three years ago, his contract runs out in six months. Where the fucking hell is he? Has he got long Covid? Has he fucked it off? Is he even real? What is a Thiago?

Fuck’s sake.


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