GREAT that, wasn’t it?
Five things and that…
1. Sadio’s bird might be fucking berserk
Sadio started like he had had murder with his bird just before kick off. Perhaps he had. I did. Maybe he could feel my angst. Kindred spirits, blood brothers or whatever. Maybe the exact same thing that happened to me happened to him.
Cut to our house. Well actually, me knocking on our neighbours house to pick up a parcel that had been delivered earlier in the day. Walk back in to ours unwrapping it.
“Ooh, what’s that?” (My bird.)
“Oh, it’s just two hats I bought the other day. Got two the same but different colours; one navy, one dark green. I’ve got another blue one on the way from somewhere else so if this green one is sound I’m keeping this and will check the blue when the other one turns up, see which one is best.” (Me, unwrapping the package, taking the hats out, trying on the green one.)
“Do you like this colour.” (Me.)
“Yes, it’s nice that.” (My bird.)
“Sound.” (Me taking the hat off, walking to the drawer, getting out the scissors, and cutting off the tag and lashing it in the bin.)
“You need to wear it rolled up a bit more, though.” (My bird looking at something else.)
“What like this.” (Me putting the hat back on me head and adjusting roll up bit.)
“Yes, like that.” (My bird.)
“I don’t like that colour, though.” (My bird.)
“Wha? Are you messing? Fuck’s sake, I’ve just cut the fucking tag off.” (Me.)
“You are doing my head in with your mood swings at the minute.” (My bird pure fucking fuming.)
Cut back to me, running round the garden forearm smashing full backs.
2. The foul from David Luiz in the buildup to Sadio’s goal on Naby
I absolutely love that thing that he does where he absolutely, categorically, without a shadow of a doubt, fouls someone for ages and then lashes his hand up in the air as if to say ‘fucking get up’. It is one of the biggest tells the world has ever seen.
Worst murder suspect ever…
‘I would put it to you, Mr Luiz, that it was you who murdered Professor Plum, with the candlestick, in the drawing room.
‘Nah lad, I strangled him in the bog.’
3. I always think two things about Dani Ceballos whenever we play these
Number one, he is a gobshite. A whining gobshite of the highest order. I always want one of our lads to absolutely bladder him as soon as I remember about him. One big cryarsing gobshite.
But then, that is always offset by his name. Dani Onions. I don’t know why Dani Onions makes me laugh so much, when there are people knocking about in England called Graham Onions and that, but it really does. I wonder what you had to do to get a name like that back in the Middle Ages. Really, really, really fucking love onions…
‘You know Dani.’
‘Dani from by ours. Dani. You know Dani? Fucking Dani, lad. Dani with the onions. Always fucking yomping onions. Has a couple in his pocket whenever he goes anywhere.’
‘Oh, Dani onions? Why didn’t you say. What about it him?’
4. Liverpool look really, really, really good, don’t we?
Like the greatest I’ve ever seen. The desire all over the pitch. It’s incredible. I can’t wait to get back in that ground. I mean we didn’t really learn anything in this point, did we? Should be called some things we learned and a few dead fucking obvious points.
5. Dead funny that Diogo come on and absolutely handballed it
Probably a bit intentionally, completely and utterly controlled it perfectly onto his foot, and slotted to send The Reds back above the Blueshite.
Absolute VAR-cheating, red-nose cunts, aren’t we?
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excellent as always!
Just a point re Ceballos, it doesn’t mean onions. Onions in Spanish is cebolla. Ceballo isn’t a word. I know it’s nitpicking, but it annoys me every time I hear it.
Ceballo – Cebolla
Tomato – Tomateo
Ceballo – Cebolla
Tomato – Tomatoe
*F..ked up the first post, even more hilarious
Fair point but I think we should all work together to get Ceballos recognised as “onions” but only for the purposes of a footballer who looks like he has spent the afternoon doing nothing but chopping them up without wearing any googles.
Neologisms eventually make their way into dictionaries and we can do it if we all work together like they did to get “santorum” recognised as a new word.
Ceballos – definition: a footballer who cries to the referee so much he must have onion fumes around him all the time.
usage: He was such a Ceballos on the pitch yesterday just like that Dani Onions bloke.