KIDS footy, la. It’s fucking berserk week in, week out.
My lad plays in the under 8s. FC Storm. Fucking hell, I know.
Anyway, last week in training I was trying to talk to them about time and space. Not like yer man Prof Bri Cox, more like “lad you’ve got time, have a touch”. One of the under 8s turned to me, mid game, and said “time is a gift given to us by the Gods” and then had a shot. My head’s been battered since and today made it no easier.
How the fucking hell are you meant to rate any of that against any kind of standard? There’s different scales at play here, but in fairness by any scale imaginable Arsenal are absolutely shite.
Imagine being them. Fucking hell. Their manager is a pure vampire. Absolutely, nailed on if the sun comes up and he doesn’t get an umbrella up he might turn to dust (thanks Melia). While we are at it, here is Adam’s top four vampire players currently playing:
- Jonjo Shelvey
- Will Hughes
- Eric Lamela
- Andre Gomes
Blood Suckers FC.
Absolutely berserk, that. Dead funny. It’s absolutely marvellous to watch footy with a sheen of indifference and the pressure off.
The Keeperher: 7
Seemed mad not to play our reserve keeper who is nearly better than our best keeper in the world but, you know, we are were we are. Didn’t really bother making a save in the whole game but was made up for him to save the pen. Imagine that.
Neco Williams: 7
Just had to ask Adam what his name was. I thought he was really good until he showed that he hasn’t played a hundred games for The Reds, or anyone else for that matter. Got a bit tight a few times and got rolled, lost the ball a few times, but can’t half pass the ball, likes a tackle, what’s not to like?
Joe Gomez: 8
He had his work cut out tonight trying to organise a backline younger than him and a midfielder having a mare. Thought he was excellent, in fairness.
The Van den Berg: 7
Struggled first half with probably nerves, and also probably passing the ball, and also probably running very quickly, or even a bit quickly. Better second half when The Reds weren’t as ragged. Will have learned a belter lesson today.
Christ he struggled. Senior pro on the pitch, normally one you can hang your hat on, couldn’t pass it five yards. Scored a load of pens somehow.
Wafted through the game when The Reds needed someone to get a grip. Doesn’t get a stranglehold on the game for ages but then scores and sets one up. Sometimes you need a centre mid to boss the game, but then he just scored goals.
Best player first half. Neat and tidy in tight spaces, got The Reds playing, made some belter tackles. Tired second half.
Thought he was shite, if I’m honest. You want your senior players to boss it. Maybe he needs boss players around him, but now and again you would like to think he could drag a game against a shite side our way on his own. Went off injured again which is a blow.
Looked bright, gave the ball away, they scored. Will learn from that. Never stopped, though.
Was our best player really. The only grown up on the pitch. Scored a couple of belters and a pen. Was dead funny that we didn’t get beat.
Thought he was really good, you know. Worked hard without the ball. Showed strength at times, good hold up play. Well in.
Come on and was well better than Keita. Did everything pretty much right, kept it moving. Might deserve a go on the back of that.
Some other lads possibly played…
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Does that count as an Origi hat-trick? He did score three.
Well done to the youngsters. They never gave up.
Thought Curtis Jones was immense when he came on. A real game changer.
Sadly the fella he replaced was fucking garbage again. If there was ever a game for Keita to put his stamp on, this was the one. He was anonymous. Think time is running out for the lad to make it in the PL.
Hope we get United next.
Good ebening that.
Origi is less a player than a cosmic metaphor.
As for our young Mr. Jones, imagine you’re 18-years-old and making your Anfield debut to boss the midfield, set up an equalizer, and score the winning pen. Imagine.
He’s living the dream and did so last night :)
Absolutely brilliant game. It was like car crash TV but in a fully entertaining and not cringeworthy way. I loved how we just kept going with confidence to try things and didn’t give up. I truly loved this game and not just because we won, it was all the other positives to come from this.
BTW, I think Lallana did enough to leap frog both Ox and Keita last night and I am NOT his biggest fan as he frustrated as much as Keita currently is.
BTW, I mean Lallana in his time with the reds overall frustrated me so much as there was more he should have been capable of but wasn’t and that did me head in…. With regard to Keita, he probably even more frustrating.