RatingsIdent

I MEAN, you can all fuck off if you think I’m in any mental state to rate these lads out of 10 after that.

Ninety-seven points and haven’t won the league. Fuck me. Brief these because, you know what, I haven’t fucking got it in me.

Alisson: 10

Best keeper in the league, best keeper I’ve ever seen in the flesh. Can’t be bettered. Won the golden glove. Would like it to come with a golden gun, so he could shoot Guardiola right in the cardigan.

LIVERPOOL, ENGLAND - Sunday, May 12, 2019: Liverpool's goalkeeper Alisson Becker with the golden glove award for the most clean sheets after the final FA Premier League match of the season between Liverpool FC and Wolverhampton Wanderers FC at Anfield. (Pic by David Rawcliffe/Propaganda)

Trent: 9

Set up another two today, I think. Glorious footballer.

Big Joel: 8

Really good again, wasn’t he? Most improved player this year, as in he’s gone from shite to really, really good. Deserves to play the final.

Virgil: 8

Lost some headers today for the first time since he signed for The Reds. Premier League Player of the Season and didn’t win the league despite only conceding six goals or some shit. Fucking horrible, this.

LIVERPOOL, ENGLAND - Sunday, May 12, 2019: Liverpool's Virgil van Dijk during the final FA Premier League match of the season between Liverpool FC and Wolverhampton Wanderers FC at Anfield. (Pic by David Rawcliffe/Propaganda)

Robbo: 8

Had half a leg there on Tuesday, played like a spring chicken today. Feels so auld arse that these boys haven’t won the league.

Henderson: 8

Clearly goosed from the other day, but didn’t stop running, grafting, trying to will The Reds over the line. Would quite liked him to have fucked our match off, gone Walkabout, and popped up in Brighton with a knife in his mouth and mud wiped on his grid, and Guardiola in his sights. Fucking Bear Grylls style. Beat that, you baldy cunt.

Fabinho: 8

Is the best defensive midfielder The Reds have had in years, lad. Deserved a league.

LIVERPOOL, ENGLAND - Sunday, May 12, 2019: Wolverhampton Wanderers' Rúben Neves (L) and Liverpool's Fabio Henrique Tavares 'Fabinho' (R) during the final FA Premier League match of the season between Liverpool FC and Wolverhampton Wanderers FC at Anfield. (Pic by David Rawcliffe/Propaganda)

Gini: 7

Was great again, wasn’t he? I don’t know what to say anymore.

Big Div: 7

Was boss Div there, wasn’t he? Looked like he was confident in himself again. Pinging balls all over the gaff. Unlucky not to score.

Sadio: 9

Bangs two for a laugh. Great headers. Drifting in off the wing, planting goals for a laugh. Golden boot winner. Didn’t win the league. Fuck me.

LIVERPOOL, ENGLAND - Sunday, May 12, 2019: Liverpool's Sadio Mane celebrates scoring the first goal during the final FA Premier League match of the season between Liverpool FC and Wolverhampton Wanderers FC at Anfield. (Pic by David Rawcliffe/Propaganda)

Mo Salah: 8

My favourite bit was when the referee didn’t give a foul because he got in the way when Salah got strangled for a bit. His daughter scored a couple of belters there, which was sound.

SUBS

Some lads came on and The Reds still didn’t win the league.

City:

Fair play, win 14 games on the trot you deserve it. That said, I’d like them to fold next year. Guardiola to fuck it off, go and work on an organic farm, growing pears.

With his big bald head, and scruffy cardigan.

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Pics: David Rawcliffe-Propaganda Photo

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