ALRIGHT gang. Had the winter off from awarding arbitrary scores to things, didn’t I? Mid-season break and that. Full of it now though.
Looking through my eyes is like yer man off Beautiful Mind looking at a blackboard, numbers bouncing round all over the gaff. Like as if Carol Vorderman got shot, kept alive and made to roam the streets in 1980s Chicago with half a bizzie’s robot helmet strapped to her head.
Anyway, on the way the game, Merseyrail appear to be running a competition to see how many people you can simultaneously transport and broil, melt, and baste at the same time. Estimates on the train in alone were somewhere north of 11,000.
One probable workaround to getting shut of the guards might be turning the heating down and saving, I don’t know, circa £4million a year and about six inches in global sea level rises, for fuck’s sake.
Now that we have all safely been infected with Aussie flu from the breeding ground that is the train, it’s on to the ground to watch The Reds make a show of these gang of mings. Is right, the boys.
What a game of football. I don’t care who you are, if you want to play footie against Liverpool you better be fucking good. They are fucking very good. Liverpool were better.
Larius Karius: 5
Got the nod to be the number one until he’s the number two again which is sound. Suspect that number two discussion might be a lot closer after that. If that was Miggy who watched that one in I’d be slaughtering him. He is going to be some ‘keeper when he is allowed to make some saves and that. Could have been at fault for none of them, suspect he wasn’t.
Joe Gomez: 7
Against these, mate, the margins of error are slight as fuck. As soon as he sets off he has to win it, he doesn’t, they score. One of them. That said, was fucking boss there second half, wasn’t he? Won all his battles, and then won some other people’s.
Joel Matip: 7
Thought he was good, you know. Was in front of a mirage in goal. Tight to his men, won loads of battles. They scored three inside our own six-yard box, mind you.
Degsi Lovren: 8
Ha ha ha, captain. Captain means nothing these days. Like having a captain in a taxi as opposed to a ship or a plane and that. For that matter, imagine having that captain in your taxi, boxing everything off, giving out ale, lashing the bangers on. Well in. Be like getting a police escort.
Andy Robertson: 9
Was brilliant there, weren’t he? Hardest position on the pitch against these as you are basically getting legged by about four of them. Held his own, stayed switched on, decent going forward, absolutely put Raheem Sterling in a massive big bin. That bit where he was off his pan on the outlawed, old style iron bridge chasing their lads all over the gaff on his own was worth two points.
Gini Wijnaldum: 10
Was excellent. Like seriously magnificent, like the best midfield performance I can remember. Would get a game for them. Tells you how good he is when he has to be.
Emre Can: 8
Same as Gini really but tired or got a knock. Set the tone by doing everything really well first half. Looked a player as opposed to a big massive fella with very gelled hair who quite fancies having loads of espressos in the sun and that.
Alex Oxo-Chambo: 8
His bird is in Little Mix, and Little Mix play bangers = Chambo is boss. Or, he is boss at the footie and no one gives a frog (this week’s amazing autocorrect typo) who his bird is. Boss for the goal, worked his plums off and is a player, mind you.
Sadio Mane: 9
Great today I thought. Grafted, missed the one against the post and then knocked it on the head and decided to twat it in the top bin which set off some fucking scenes there.
Mo Salah: 9
He is stronger than any of their lads, and our lads, and any of the other lads. Was boss, then dinked their goalie for a laugh, like it was a piece of piss. Like their ‘keeper isn’t Jaws off James Bond and would normally kick it to Birkenhead.
Bobs Firmino: 9
Scored quite possibly the greatest goal ever seen, showing strength like Harry Kane, positional play like Harry Kane, finishing like Harry Kane, and he can close his mouth, unlike Harry Kane. Was boss all day long.
Great appetite for kicking people when it’s the last minute against the Premier League’s greatest ever team, and popular belief would say don’t give away any silly free kicks. Well in.
The rest — no one’s arsed.
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……SALAH, Oh, MANE, MANE!
We are Mental but I bloody love us! Andy Robbo’, Joey Gomez, Alex Ox, legends in the making. What a day to be a Red. :)
Robertson … yeah.
Lovren 10 … sorry not for me. He was like Tommy Turtle with the 3rd goal.
Wijnaldum 10 sorry not this time. 8-9 sure, however not perfect.
But who cares. What a result. What a performance. What a performance.
And Robertson was perfection for second and third? Robertson was brilliant but mistakes overlooked a bit I think.
KM1806, maybe the 3rd was ball-watching a bit and (we all) expected Lovren to nod that away. 2nd there was a bit of a deflection which knocked the ball nicely into B. Silva’s path. But fair points.
Yerse!!! Bobby’s goal is a carbon copy of Fowlers at castle grey skull in 96….the one were he skuffs G-nev of the ball an chips it over Rudolph… yis lad.
Andy Robertson, the new (good) Jon Flanagan.
Brilliant. And might not have to see Moreno at left back again.
I thought Oxlade Chamberlain was brilliant today. He’s going to be a brilliant player for us. I’m living Andy Robertson at left back too. I’ve got to admit I wasn’t sure about him when we signed him, I was even a little underwhelmed but I’ve never been so happy to have been proved wrong. Having Van Dijk as a regular starter will help put a stop to surrendering 4-1 leads. A new keeper in the summer please Klopp and we can seriously challenge next season! YNWA
*loving Andy Robertson
11 x 10 = 110.
As a team you gave us 89 out of 110 (11 x 10). Yet once again we insisted on playing with 10 the entire game. Distribute the keepers potential 10 points across the rest of the team giving us ten lads who get scored out of 11. Everyone gets 1 extra point which gives the team 99 out of 110. That looks about right.
Fear we are stuck with Smoke Hands for a while. Hope he doesn’t ruin a good team. For we are a good team. Second best in the country and ready to fight for trophies.
what a game, heros all over the pitch, we seemed to win every 50/50 battle for the first 70 mins! how good was Robertson!!! chasing the whole team down in that 2nd half run…i thought he was gonna carry on into the Annie Road!!!
Andy “Mad Dog” Robertson! What a player.
For me today the ratings mean nothing…..the only numbers that matter today are out 4 vs there 3. We just put it to the best team in europe and they could only answer back once we were gone in the legs in the last 10. A hugely symbolic victory for us and a serious show of our intent now for the rest of the season and the seasons to come. Well in red men.
Well in lads. Spent the last 3 minutes with the stream off, in a dark bedroom staring out of the window, kind of praying I guess. Or just unable to see 4-4 or worse. Why Liverpool. why. Attacking great. Love it. Ol’ Smoke hands. Not so much. 5 out of 10 is too many after the first goal.
Ox is a proper player for us. Looked like a forward when he scored. So many positives from the game. Glad the score line isn’t glossing over the improvements needed at the back and with the spine.
Did Milner do that well when he came in or did that coincide with us conceesing 2 goals.
Bring on the pink!
Robertson was boss too. Great game today from him. Easily his best.
Chamberlain, gini, Robertson all 10s for me. The rest 9s except karius, who might as well have had a sit down. Not even arsed rating him. Great win.
I just decided coming back from Seville to say ‘fuck it’. This is what our lads do and we are simply the most entertaining heart disease inducing mad bastards in football and we have a manager that says ‘what the fuck was that’.
Decided I wouldnt change a thing. No one will ever leave a Liverpool game early again.
Absolutely boss atmosphere.
Some of Wijnaldum’s steals were like Bryan Robson back in the day. But Robertson chasing that ball down like an extra in Trainspotting was fucking insane.
I still haven’t calmed down yet
Gini was woeful going forward but his defensive workrate balances that out I suppose. Not having this Lovren shite too, let himself down on Gundogans. Imagine having a keeper that saves stuff also.
Everyone else a massive massive 10 though. Up the reds.
Good shot on Wijnaldum…he was outstanding today. God knows how he kept going, he looked dead on his feet by the end.
You should apply for the football reporters job at the Guardian who somehow gave him a 7 and everyone else 8 or 9
Can close his mouth..unlike Harry Kane ….love the ratings and even if we couldn’t get one of the top 5 keepers, I reckon Kasper Schmeichel would save us a lot more points than the two we have..even if his aul lad is a knob
I can endure the Karius experiment (and let’s face it Klopp’s stubbornness) if at the end of this latest attempt to make him our number 1 Klopp doesn’t go back to Mignolet if it doesn’t work out with our German Instagram model.
Karius is Klopp’s man and he wants him to be the number 1. Ok fine. Give him 10 games in a row, hell give him till May. But if he’s shit (it’s likely) I can deal with it so long as Klopp satisfies his itch and then sorts it out in the summer. No point going back to Mignolet now. And Ward must seriously be garbage to not get a sniff.
Aside from that, up the fucking reds. We’re the second best team in the league and should finish in the position that states that as fact. I’m sure a lot of people (including myself) were gutted when we were hit with the double news that van Dijk was injured for today and Leipzig are going to hold Keita hostage for another six months. But everyone stood up and some players, especially Gini and Firmino (people seemed worried he’d miss his best mate) for me, reminded us all that we’re a pretty great team with a lot more bottle than you’d think. Chambo for captain on that note.
Were stuck with some bad goalkeepers this season, fact, still were boss a footy. Lets just easy off on the “your crap” talk. Its getting boring. Lets see how good we can be with useless goalies!
Don’t disagree mate! Like I said, just don’t want to see Mignolet again now, there’s just no point. We all know the score with Simon so let Karius play and by the summer we’ll be in no doubt about him either.
Love the ratings Ben.
And the supporters get a 9/10.
The one point off for losing it at the end when Aguero made you crap your pants.
Up the Reds!
Firmino’s goal took me right back to Fowler shrugging off Neville and chipping Schmeichel at OT, 95-96. What a goal
The Ox 10. MoM
City got SMOF’ed
I must be the only one who isn’t slagging Karius. He made a debatable error, beaten by a ferocious close range shot from a brilliant finisher, but the player who made a balls up in the first place, Gomez, is marked higher. Klopp will focus on supporting Karius as he played OK otherwise. That apart, I really enjoyed a proper football match and Liverpool showed that, with a couple of personnel hired in the summer, Jurgen’s team, our team, will be force of nature.
100% agree. Karius will probably be disapointed he didnt stop it but he wasnt the player that committed the cardinal mistake for the goal nor did he commit anywhere close to the mistakes the City keeper did.
Have to agree with this, probably should save the first but it certainly isn’t a howler. Sane shouldn’t be getting in the position to blast the ball at the keeper from a few yards out in the first place. Can’t even see De Gea do much with the following two.
“…dinked their keeper for a laugh, like it was a piece of piss…”
Its not a hair in the soup regarding Karius…..Its a fucking Toupee now!
Sad that Klopp will probably never have the riches to take this incredubke team to its ultimate level.I could watch us finishing 2nd playing like this for next 30 years though! It thrills the pants off me!
That toupee comment made me laugh out loud
Good shout on Gini, wow, what a win.
Not having the Handsome Hologram in goal. Hope this convinces Kloppo (that’s what they call him in Germany, apparently) to piss away all the Coutinho on setting off the 88M release clause on Oblak. Throw in Goretzka for Can and call it a day.
Meanwhile in reality, I can’t believe we have four boss fullbacks and none of them is Nate Clyne. And one of them is Albie Moreno. Loving Robertson. Absolutely loving him.
But loving Chamberlain more. So direct, so hard-working, so fast. And scores. Four of my favorite things in footie. Like Salah, only with bigger pectorals.
Still not sure how Mane can simultaneously be absolutely brilliant and still not look to be at his best.
Lovren always looks great until he doesn’t. And when he doesn’t, it is costly.
Imagine if Lallana actually gets back to his best.
Nailed it there Walter, mate.
Agree with every word.
And loving the Handsome Hologram shout.
I’m not a fan of either goalkeeper but do feel a bit for Karius. The best keeper in the premier league (possibly world) at the moment is De Gea. How many people remember what he was like when he first signed for that lot and was dropping bollocks left right and centre. Not saying that Karius is going to be as good as him but it does pay to give goalkeepers time. You can argue he’s shit but of the top keepers this weekend, Cech at fault for Arsenal conceding, City keeper plays great pass to Salah only Loris didn’t make a mistake but then he had the weekend off shot stopping.
Bet Andy Robertson ran home then ran into training this morning! Love how no matter where we score from he’s always first on the seen to celebrate.
Loris ‘gas hands’ Karius – did he actually try and save any of their goals? Apart from a CM if Can leaves we should be throwing all the PC cash at a new keeper this summer.
Andy R – absolute beast. Even my pet hate Gini had a decent game. Excellent stuff.
Got the nod to be the number one until he’s the number two again which is sound. Suspect that number two discussion might be a lot closer after that.
Apparently, much closer and very differently to what you’ve expected. ;) – But as much as I back Karius, I agree with your rating on this occasion. The first goal was a shame.
Having written that though, you cannot give Gomez a 7 then, because the goal was as much his fault, too.
Generally your ratings seem to have the purpose of entertaining people rather than being serious.
” turning the heating down and saving, I don’t know, circa £4million a year” how do you know the train heat isn’t recovered from motor cooling and regenerative braking, and therefore free?
Love the photo with Firmino doing the kung-fu fighting. What is that with him? Been celebrating a few goals with that recently.
All season I couldn’t quite figure out who Ederson reminds me of… until now.
What a game! Beating City is brilliant enough, beating them by scoring 4 makes it even more impressive! Anyway, my personal ratings:
Karius: 4. Worse than Mignolet, who isn’t good enough either. Needs to be sorted out
Robertson: 9. Made Sterling look very avarage. Work in progress, gets better by the week. I don’t want to see Moreno back any time soon!
Lovren/Matip: 7. Both sollid and strong. But still conceded 3 in the end, so not an 8.
Gomez: 7. Seems to be struggeling in position lately. At fault for their first, knows it, comes back very strong in the second half. Still very young, still very much room for improvement and has already the right mentality. Well in, Joe!
Can: 8. Sort out those contract issues, LFC and make him next season’s captain as a reward for staying! Massive, massive player! Simply can’t let him go on a free, can we?
Gini: 8. I am probably his biggest critic, he frustrates me more than he brings me joy. But had an excellent afternoon yesterday. Hope to see more from him like that.
Oxlade-Chamberlain: 8.5. Unsung hero over the last couple of weeks. Really looks like a proper Liverpool player right now and I am slightly becoming a big fan! Philippe who?
Mané/Salah/Bobby: 9. I always thought Ringo Starr was a bit overrated… Fab 3! World class, all of them! Sign them up for 20 fucking years, they still will do a job for us! If Can still leaves in the summer, the armband should be Bobby’s. Harry who?
Klopp: 9. Sort out those keeper issues, Jürgen. And win us the league next season! We are good enough to do it!
Welcome back, Johnno. Now, get back on the mic!