DIDN’T see anyone calling 1-0 in the buildup. Liverpool far from scintillating, but they huffed and puffed and eventually blew the house down. Or at least dismantled it gently and politely, without causing too much disruption to the neighbours. Still unbeaten.
Simon Mignolet: 6
Made a half decent save first half and then spent the rest of the game standing around thinking about how much easier it is when you haven’t got a left back who chases the dog on the electronic advertising boards.
Joe Gomez: 6
Don’t want to see loads of him at right back at home in the league, but he did OK. Grew into the game from an attacking point of view and got more confident. Didn’t lose a battle at the back.
Joel Matip: 7
Much more like it. Did a few of those tackles where he comes out with possession of the ball that feel terrific and get a big clap from everyone.
Ragnar Klavan: 7
He might be getting a couple of “not Dejan Lovren” points, but unruffled throughout and refused to be bullied by Christian Benteke.
Andy Robertson: 7
Looking to start a shoegaze band called “Andy Robertson’s crosses”. I’m on bass. Gareth Roberts on rhythm guitar. Andy himself on lead. But need a drummer and a singer if anyone fancies it? Auditions on Tuesday in The Florrie. No Teds.
Jordan Henderson: 6
Still not quite right, especially his passing, but did some great calming everyone down with five to go.
Gini Wjinaldum: 5
Not happening for him at the moment, is it? Feel like he needs a Phil Coutinho or an Adam Lallana or a fucking rocket up his arse.
James Milner: 6
Getting a banner made with “James Milner probably isn’t the answer long term in midfield, but he does lots of sensible things and you can see why managers like him”. Coming to an away end soon.
Sadio Mane: 6
Was a bit crap, but even when he’s off it he’s a danger. He’ll be our top scorer this season. Watch.
Roberto Firmino: 6
He’s a fighter Bobby, isn’t he? Willed a performance out of himself in tricky circumstances.
Daniel Sturridge: 5
Still got quick feet but refused to run faster than a jog. Hopefully just not fit…
Dom Solanke: 6
I really like Dom Solanke. Looking to make him my mate. Not sure what my move is. Text me any ideas. Looks a lovely footballer.
Mo Salah: 5
Didn’t really do a great deal. Had a decent shot but one the ‘keeper was always saving.