THE Reds are on holiday again.
Say what you want about Jürgen Klopp but he mustn’t half love a bevy by the pool in the afternoon. There is about three fellas not on international duty in the Liverpool team and yet big Jürgen still manages to cobble together a squad to blag a trip to Tenerife. What a man.
As far as Liverpool news and discussion points go that is it for the Reds this week. Which, while pretty boring, wouldn’t be a problem if I didn’t have to find 1,200 words for Robbo before Monday lunchtime.
So, the only thing left for it is Everton and the curious case of the Bramley Dock ghost ground. Say what you want about the tricky Blues but they absolutely love a molehill don’t they; love it so much they turn it into a massive big mole mountain. I don’t know about you but given the build-up to the press release of their new super duper ground on the Docks, I was expecting something a little more advanced than a frigging heads of terms agreement. The build-up would lead you to believe that they had built the fucker and hidden it behind a load of containers, like that fella who tried to blag planning permission for a mansion on his farm by hiding it behind a wall of hay bales.
I pictured Bill Kenwright, fully harnessed up, astride a massive big shipping container wearing nothing but one of them see-through ‘you’re in my heart — you’re in my soul’ car windscreen stickers and a pair of blue socks, as the container was whisked away by an overzealous stevedore to reveal a big, shiny, bright blue ground that looks a bit like a massive big shipping container. What we got instead was an agreement to pay a certain cost, for a certain piece of land, confirmation that they have got no dough to build it despite them being billionaires, an agreement from the council to act as guarantor on the debt in return for £4 million nicker a year over 40 years and an estimated build cost of £300m quid plucked from thin air.
7. @theesk & @daviddownie17 answer your questions on Bramley and break down the details of the development. #EFC https://t.co/FatrFwuymf
— THE BLUE ROOM (@TheBlueRoomEFC) March 24, 2017
There are Blues, quite a lot of Blues, who are very excited. Some of them are acting like it is built already which is cute. The issue is that this is a bit of hocus pocus at this stage. By the way, sorry to interject, but did I tell you I am going to the moon? Yes it’s boss, isn’t it? I’m going to build a massive big rocket in our back garden and fly to the moon. Yeah, I’ve agreed the cost of the metal with a scrap merchant in Bootle; Richard Branson is going to act as guarantor for the cost if I promise to take him with me and extend my subscription to his broadband. Yeah, £300m it’s going to cost. I’ve just to convince the council to give me planning to build a factory in me yard, find some investors willing to give me £300m, figure out how to build a rocket out of auld Ford Focuses, go through a rather intense training regime for five years and explain to my wife that there is a big chance I might die in a fireball.
Sorry, my moon expedition giddiness got the better of me there. Where was I? Oh yer, Everton’s new ground. If I were them, big massive alarm bells would be ringing here. Their owner, when he bought the club, was seen as a saviour, a billionaire to project them into the 21st century, finally able to compete on a level playing field. Except, at the time, they were briefing pretty heavily that he wouldn’t necessarily be putting his own money into transfers as such, more investing in infrastructure, a new ground perhaps. Here he is, a billionaire they will have you know, who is trying to broker a deal to build a new stadium, without so much as a pound of his own money being at risk. Liverpool City Council will be acting as the guarantor and copping for the risk of default on the loans and Everton will agree a (minimum) £300m loan with associated interest rate to be paid out of future income. Farhad Moshiri will be the majority shareholder of a club which is building a massive asset at no cost to himself. Is it just me that thinks that this is what big Tom Hicks tried to do with the Reds? The only thing that stopped him was a financial crises of an unparalleled level. Don’t get me wrong, this fella looks like a genius, just not a very nice one.
That said, it is funny isn’t it? The Echo said that the council are going to invest heavily in the surrounding infrastructure by building a new bridge among other things. They didn’t say where the bridge was going to be but one can only assume it will provide a direct link to Holyhead for the majority of their season ticket holders to get over. The site is right next to a sewage works. I’m not even going to bother with this one, I’ll just leave it here for you to have a think about.
I’m intrigued to see the design, I mean £300m seems like a lot of money, doesn’t it? Except when you think that the Emirates (finished in 2006) cost £390 million and Wembley cost nearly £800 million. When you factor in the strength of the pound and the looming Brexit induced financial blackhole, they might end up moving Goodison piece by piece and getting a couple of joiners to stitch it back together. I’m also a massive fan of building a big massive stadium next to a big massive river when big Donnie Trump is about to set fire to America and their entire fossil fuel collection as The Ev are trying to get to their ground and the Mersey is giving it The Day After Tomorrow treatment. The dopey pricks will end up spending two-thirds of their budget on a massive big frigging levee.
I don’t know, perhaps it will go ahead. Perhaps big Don will get impeached before he can decimate the environment. Perhaps Moshiri is sound and I’m the dickhead. Perhaps they will get a massive naming rights deal – The Lonsdale Palace has got a lovely ring to it, hasn’t it?
Perhaps it will all work out fine. There is a lovely song doing the Everton Twitter rounds at the minute which is boss. Perhaps they will be singing this for years to come; I hope so. It goes like this:
We’re sitting on the dock of the bay,
Watching Ross Barkley put two away,
We’re sitting on the dock of the bay,
All the tiiime.
We left our home in Walton,
Headed down the Bramley Moore,
We are the first in the city,
Winning leagues before you were even born,
The Blues are sitting on the dock of the bay,
All the tiiime.
Ha ha ha. Up the Reds.
Pics: David Rawcliffe-Propaganda Photo
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And you call us the bitter ones?
What a sad excuse for an article.
The difference between Moshiri and Hicks & Gillette is that they mortgaged anfield and almost put your club into administration.
We can feel the fear from anfield, you’ve just put it into words.
Fear of the power of an as yet unfunded, unplanned and unbuilt stadium.
You’re also terrified of the moshiri billions that remain uninvested.
Heads fallen off, fumin, Norway etc etc etc.
Fear of a Blue Planet
The space rocket about to launch in your back garden
I honestly don’t know why people patrol fan sites of other club’s. I’m uninterested by most stuff that happens at LFC, unless of relevance of course, so what goes on elsewhere doesn’t enter my head.
That said the ‘fear’ shout was a blinder.
Proper click baited here m8! The things some reds do for a bit of traffic. Sad!
says the blue who clicked and commented….on an LFC site.
Youre paying 160m to the council to avoid the same fate. That aside its not really different at all..
Thought you might like this……. to work into the song
Not arsed about Everton though ay lads.
100 per cent arsed about them, mate – want to be better than them at everything. With us being in the same city and that.
im struggling to see why your remotely arsed about Everton? What they do, what they build, how they build it?
Fact is, kopites cant stop telling us how un-arsed they all are yet all you keep doing is talking about our stadium.
We’re arsed. Just like you’re arsed. Which is why you’re here.
all stadium talk just get attention of mighty reds. bless them
To be fair this article is the first negative attitude I’ve encountered from a fellow Red towards this stadium announcement. Everyone I’ve encountered haven’t been arsed one bit.
Saying that, I wouldn’t even describe it that negative, aside from the obvious undertone of sarcasm from Ben, I think the points are fair and could be of interest to those who might be interested.
I’m not interested myself. Shiny new one or not they’ll always be just Everton to me.
May I direct you to this. Not arsed though.
Wow, one man having a fume.
Hardly an accurate cross-section of Reds.
I’m glad your arsed…itll make it all the more sweeter when we it’s done and dusted.
Ha ha we laugh at Everton again I think. Norwegian translation please. YNWA
Fantastic stuff as always Ben. And even beyond the hilarity of the blue desperation to believe that they’re zillionaires and that this is all amazing, is that even if it all actually comes off, even in the absolute best case scenario, they’ll still effectively have done this to stand still in 7th place.
Sittin on the dock of the bay,
Watching 4 million a year pissed away.
Ha ha this is quality.
Also, lets just appreciate that they have even managed to get one of their famous “firsts” into the song.
Ross Barkley? Any stadium is at least 3 years away, he will have his arse parked on the City/United/Chelsea bench by then!!
I’m cringing for you, mate.
Ditto, ‘Troop’ :)
Loads of your fans are ‘wool’ mate. Boss argument.
It’s ok guys, we’ll let you warm our new seats once a year if you’re lucky!
not arsed my arse
As the husband of a bluenose, son-in-law of bluenoses, etc. I genuinely want Everton to do well (just not as well as us), but this stadium sketch is madness.
Unless you have a huge unsated demand for tickets (which I don’t believe is the case) taking on an annual cost of a conservative, say, £19m (£4m + £300m @ 5%) is absolute madness and will surely impact on their ability to become/remain competitive in terms of their squad.
Why do the Ev call us bitter ? This article is laughing at you all getting so excited. Why would we be bitter about yous? Is it your extensive trophy cabinet? The sole trophy in Europe you own ? The fact you’ve never even won a league cup?