EVENING, everyone. Gareth and Neil have asked me to write a regular column after each match because they probably thought I wasn’t doing enough to earn the “contributes to @theanfieldwrap” line in my Twitter bio.
Fair enough, I suppose.
The column will follow the following format:
1) I’ll have some thoughts during the game and, afterwards, I’ll list five of them here.
2) There isn’t a number two. I just can’t do bullet points on my phone and it looked a bit odd just having the 1) there on its own.
So here we go, here are my five thoughts on Liverpool 3 Manchester City 0.
1) I saw Ron Yeats before the game — our captain in the ’60s under Shankly.
After years of being told he was a colossus, and that normal-sized people should “walk around him”, I was shocked to discover he isn’t actually that tall. The bloke he was talking to, for example, was taller than him and when I got up close I could see the top of his head.
So out of 3 people, he was the smallest — ‘Little Ronnie Yeats’.
I felt like I’d been robbed of a part of Liverpool folklore and considered cross-checking all the other “facts” that these lying bastards have fed me down the years.
But then I saw Neil Atkinson and explained the situation to him. He assured me that everything was in order, that I hadn’t been lied to, and that people were much smaller in the ’60s.
Relieved, I forgot all about it and got on with the rest of my evening.
It was only about an hour later that it occurred to me that, if Neil was right, The Small Faces must have been REALLY small.
2) After 20 minutes of watching Adam Lallana’s ineffectual grace, I had it in my mind to slaughter him.
He was reminding me of what he’s always reminded me of — one of those cricketers who makes beautiful cover drives but only have an average of 27 because they never concentrate for longer than an hour and can’t help nicking it to the slips.
Then he scored a goal, had a hand in the other two, and stood up to the whole Man City team when they tried to beat him up.
Without doubt, his best game for Liverpool.
3) Thought the defence looked great.
Jon Flanagan was solid, Nathaniel Clyne wasn’t Alberto Moreno, Dejan Lovren anticipated well and Kolo Toure’s tackle on Sergio Ageuro in the second half was the probably the best piece of defending by a Liverpool player this season.
To top it all off, Man City then did us, and Simon Mignolet, a massive favour by not having any shots at his goal.
It would massively benefit us if all teams could adopt a similar tactic from now on.
4) I felt a bit sorry for Raheem Sterling.
There was a period in the first half when Liverpool players seemed to be getting cheap applause for just fouling him. I couldn’t help think it was a) bullying and b) a bit like those moments in Jeremy Kyle when someone in the audience asks some poor dysfunctional couple “who’s thinking about the children here?”. It’s obvious and everyone claps but it seems a bit pointless to me.
I’m glad we got bored of that and just decided to beat them instead.
5) I bumped into Big Kev after the game.
He said: “We hunted them didn’t we? We need to do that to Bolasie and that other cunt on Sunday.”
That’s the sort of in depth tactical analysis Big Kev is capable of. He should probably have his own column and, knowing Gareth and Neil, he probably will.
By the way, Big Kev is actually big. I’m not spinning you one of those “Ron Yeats is really tall even though he isn’t” yarns. I wouldn’t do that.
That’s it. Those were my five “thoughts”.
More of this sort of stuff from Selhurst Park this Sunday.
Up the Reds.