Football, Bloody Football: Pitch Invasions, Tony Adams Being A Tit And Getting Ratty In Denmark

football_bloody_football_ident

DID everyone have a nice, relaxing Easter break then, yeah? No work on the Friday or the Monday? Some quality time spent with the family? No possibility of a looming General Election that looks set to plunge the country even deeper into the far-right hellscape it has progressively been turning into over the past decade? Oh, hang on…

Erm, yeah, it’s safe to say this Springtime hasn’t quite gotten off to the most promising of starts, what with the jarg weather and the impending doom which will once again have a negative effect on the lives of vulnerable people. I suppose it’s a good job them bloody Reds keep doing the business every weekend then, isn’t it?

It was a great day at West Brom on Sunday, spurred on by the fact that the Reds produced an incredibly resilient performance in difficult circumstances, defended excellently and looked dangerous going forward. Couple the manner of the display with the three points and you’ve got yourself a very encouraging outcome.

Let’s hope the solid run of form continues because, to be honest, if the Reds finish fifth in May and David Dimbleby declares a Tory landslide at 10PM on June 8, then it might better just ending things once and for all.

Pitching In On The Joyous Runaround

Brighton and Hove Albion were all but promoted to the Premier League last weekend courtesy of a win over Wigan Athletic, after years of financial uncertainty and near-misses in the Championship title race.

As has become customary in the lower leagues every time a team achieves even a modicum of success, thousands of home supporters descended onto the pitch following the full-time whistle and celebrated deliriously:

I’m torn over pitch invasions, to be honest. At face value, they’re adrenaline-fuelled manifestations of pure collective joy — like being at a house party where everybody is buzzed to the exact same level and the song currently playing is everybody in the building’s favourite piece of music ever recorded.

On the other hand, it’s all a bit small-time isn’t it? You don’t see Champions League winners being mobbed by fans on the pitch after a penalty shoot-out. It’s always fans of teams from places you’re not quite sure exist, like Gillingham, and you get the feeling that that nothing else interesting has ever happened in these small towns, and so this is everybody’s one chance to doing something rebellious, to take a risk, before returning to their inane workaday existences and living off that one time they got on the pitch because their club secured a sixth-place finish before being knocked out in the League Two Play-Off Semi-Final.

So if/when the Reds next win the league and everyone jumps straight on the Anfield turf, I’m not sure if I’ll be front-and-centre trying to neck Phil Coutinho, or bolting out the ground as quickly as possible bemoaning the gang of try-hards running round with their tops off.

Still, get on this lad with MS having the time of his life crowd-surfing in a wheelchair. This is great:

Nice to see a man with a disability enjoying himself before the Tories take all his money away and declare him fit to work, anyway.

Lowering The Tone

Oh, Tony. Tony, Tony, Tony. I gave you a chance. I thought it might work out. It could have helped your career. But you’ve fucked it within a week.

Yes, a mere seven days after his appointment as manager of Granada CF, Tony Adams has lost his only game in charge, and made an absolute tit of himself on the internet. Here he is orchestrating his first training session.

https://twitter.com/FootyAwayDayVid/status/853189926271188993

Now, if anybody could tell me what in the name of all that’s holy big Tone is trying to explain to his group of footballers here, then I’d love to know. It’s not only stupid but completely nonsensical. Not a single one of those movements and gyrations means a thing. None of them. I swear at one point he’s just doing jazz hands for effect. It’s like he’s doing the Cha Cha Slide. None of this will help Granada learn how to toss it into the mixer for the big man, thus it is completely pointless.

And it seems Adams is getting the gang back together for one last job while he’s at it, too. Because nobody knows how to stave-off relegation in La Liga like two ageing ex-Premier League players who have had no discernible success whatsoever in top-level football for almost a decade. Reo-Coker and Richardson must have been absolutely fucking astounded when they took the call from their respective agents saying they had one last shot at the bigtime. Shame they’ve both always been absolutely crap.

I don’t half feel sorry for Granada supporters, y’know. Their club is an international laughing stock, they’re 100 per cent without doubt going to be relegated, and they can’t even manage to do so with a bit of dignity in tact.

So, it seems like Adams’ stay in Andalusia will be a short one. Means he’ll be back home in good ol’ Blighty before the start of the war with Spain over Gibraltar, I suppose.

Mice And Queasy

https://twitter.com/FourFourTweet/status/854012595094904833

Fuck. That.

I wouldn’t really say I have a proper, legitimate phobia of anything, really. I mean, I don’t like snakes, but the thought of them doesn’t particularly strike fear into me. I’m not fond of the dark or heights, but I can deal with them. There is of course the crushing fear of dying alone, unloved, disappointing friends and family, and feeling like life has been wasted; but let’s be honest, who doesn’t feel that?

Rats, though. Rats get me. They’re all hairy and dirty and they carry diseases and they bite and they can jump dead, dead high in the air as well. So if I’d have been on the pitch during the Copenhagen derby, I’d have been making my way down the tunnel quicker than Harry Kewell in a cup final (waheyyyyy).

Yes, apparently supporters of Brondby (be arsed figuring out how to do that weird O with the squiggle in the middle) lobbed dead rats at FC Kobenhavn’s Ludwig Augustinsson in a Danish Superliga derby match. Quite how they’ve procured the deceased rodents I’m not sure. Is it viable to go into a pet shop and say, “Good day shopkeep, I’d like to purchase a selection of your finest dead rats, please. Don’t you worry yourself about what I need for them for”? I just don’t know.

I’m also not entirely sure what the purpose of the whole enterprise is. Is it a specific form of rivalry-based protest? Is it just a particularly madcap way of putting the opposition off? Is it designed to give Ludwig Augustinsson rabies? God knows.

It’s a definite step up from the socks getting launched around at Goodison a few years back, at least.

Recent Posts:

Pics: David Rawcliffe-Propaganda Photo

Like The Anfield Wrap on Facebook

Follow us on Twitter

17 Comments

  1. Do you have to mention your crushing liberalism in every single one of these? Why bring politics into it every time when this is predominately an LFC site.
    I’m not arsed by your political opinion, I’d go elsewhere to get that.

    • “I’m not arsed by your political opinion, I’d go elsewhere to get that.”

      Can’t you ignore it then?

    • Wrong site chief – you need britainfirst.racist, or idontcareaboutthevulnerable.tory

    • Being anti-right doesn’t make you automatically a liberal, or have you been swallowing Farrage/Trump erm propoganda.

      Personally think the Wrap should do more of the Politics. Before the subscription, they did. Liverpool the football club and social politics have a long and deep history.

      I find it hard to believe that anyone on the right (wrong) side of the political spectrum would feel at home supporting Liverpool to be honest.

  2. Enjoyable as ever Dan! Ignore the negative Jacks of the world.

  3. Hiya Jack,

    The site is a reflection of the views and opinions of supporters of LFC. I and most other LFC supporters just so happen to be left-wing, which comes from the fact that the right-wing has continually decimated our city again and again.

    My pieces frequently contain political references both as a source of humour and as a reflection of my personality, and also the views of a majority of LFC supporters. Loads seem to enjoy it too.

    All the best.

  4. Sød the Tories.

  5. Liverpool FC and politics it’s in our dna…get away with one form of denegration, get away with another …think JF96! Vote smart.

  6. The City of Liverpool, Liverpool FC and politics are not easily separated. They are inter-woven and anybody with an understanding of the city’s history will appreciate that.

    Fuck the Tories.

    • To add to this, I’d be glad to see more political content on here.

      Football and politics are not mutually exclusive, especially where Liverpool FC is concerned.

      The day Jeremy Corbyn was re-elected Labour leader and later in the day McDonnell was at Anfield for our 5-1 win over Hull (or whoever) was one of the best footballing days of 2016 for me.

  7. Hey Jack,what does supporting a football club mean to you? If you’re offended by “liberalism”(which when used as a derogatory term seems to be a way of chastising somebody for advocating common decency and I’ve no idea how decency becomes “crushing” but maybe you’ll enlighten us on that) then maybe a club whose identity was built on socialist values in a city proud of its socialist values isn’t for you.Unless you don’t want your club to have an identity in which case what are you actually supporting? Players,managers,owners all come and go so if we don’t hold onto our identity,all we’re actually supporting is a fucking badge and what’s the point in that?
    Enjoyed that by the way Dan.

  8. Jack,

    Don’t waste your time. This site is slowly morphing into an appeal to the clueless. It must be so comforting to distill every argument, every problem down to those rotten Tories/far right. Once you’ve done that you never have to question your own beliefs and you can carry on spouting the childish logic you find in this article.

    You don’t have to address the fact for example that you either have open borders and ultimately no welfare state or a world class welfare state and restricted borders. But as both these contradictory policies are central to the left it’s much easier to scream and rail against those bloody right wingers..

    As for Liverpool being a socialist club, don’t make me laugh. Those claiming such nonsense don’t know their history. The full title of the Tory party is the Conservative & Unionist Party. Liverpool (the city) has a strong Protestant history, and years ago the Liverpool Protestant party formed the major opposition tothe Labour Party in many wards of the city. Liverpool is the Protestant club in the city, therefore it’s heritage is based on opposition to Labour.

    But the most laughable part of that argument is we’re owned by American Venture Capitalists – Capitalism at its most raw. Not that anyone will peer too far down that rabbit hole on here. Let’s just keep pointing fingers at the Tories – it’s Punch and Judy politics for the mentally challenged.

    Stick to football lads cos you’re way out of your depth once you stray off topic.

    • “As for Liverpool being a socialist club, don’t make me laugh.”
      Maybe not (don’t think clubs can vote or that so we’ll never know for sure) however in my experience it has a large number of fans who are socialist leaning. I surmise it’s some of them started this whole website/podcast malarkey. Them that did probably , justifiably, feel they can write whatever the fuck they want on it.
      “Liverpool is the Protestant club in the city, therefore it’s heritage is based on opposition to Labour.”
      Maybe (don’t think clubs can join a church or that so we’ll never know for sure) however in my experience religion plays no part which club from Liverpool people support. Keep that shite for your lodge, brother.

  9. Dave Molyneux

    Stick to what you are doing, mate! Always a thoroughly enjoyable read!

  10. Maybe (don’t think clubs can join a church or that so we’ll never know for sure)

    Exactly, just like they can’t join a political party, so keep the political shit for your labour meetings.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*