BEAT the shite by five, win the league.
Ratings in the key of life:
Loris Karius: C
Best game in his short Liverpool career. Made a couple of smart stops when Liverpool decided that they didn’t want him to to freeze to death for 10 minutes. One excellent stop one-on-one and couldn’t do much with the goal. Did hack one out of touch, though.
Nathaniel Clyne: C
BA BE BA BO, BA BE BA BO!
Nathaniel Clyne! NATHANIEL CLYNE!
Joel Matip: B
That good that his need for a song is wrecking my head. Give us a few hours, we’re working on it.
Lucas Leiva: C
Slotted in for Dejan Lovren, who had another sick note. Can see why he was preferred to Ragnar Klavan despite the threat of Troy Deeney. Links and releases into the midfield quicker. Loved the beef between him and Henderson at five-nil up.
James Milner: C+
Brilliant in the build-up to the opener. Maybe could have made sure instead of trying to force it for the Watford goal but that’s nit-picking.
Jordan Henderson: B+
He’s not bad, you know. Another captain’s performance from the crab who never passes forwards. Dictated tempo throughout and was picking up the ball IN HIS OWN SIX-YARD BOX with five to go.
Emre Can: B
Built like a tank, turns like one, runs like one, heads like one. Biggest problem is he’s only a kid but looks like he’s 30. Will be the best midfielder in Europe in five years.
Adam Lallana: A-
Splendid stuff from start to finish, though on days like this lads who get pure As need those numbers. But wow – THE player who dictates the tempo of the press.
Sadio Mane: A-
Luis Garcia header for the opener. Broke the seal for the fit-to-burst Reds when it looked like everything was going to hit the ‘keeper or shave the post.
Philippe Coutinho: A
Narrowly missed out on an A+ with his Henderson-esque sky into The Kop.
Need to get his scribble on a new deal sharpish, lads.
Roberto Firmino: A
Bobby fucking dazzler. Shine on, you diamond-toothed bastard.
Georginio Wijnaldum (subbed on 63′): C
Steady as a Dutch Elm.
Daniel Sturridge (subbed on 71′): U
Unclassified because he was unrateable. Came on and decided he was Pele. Could have had three, got an assist, looked as dangerous as he’s been for a long while.
Ovie Ejaria (subbed on 87′): N/A