WE’RE going to Wembley. Whether we like it or not. I’d rather play at Villa Park, even Old Trafford, but anyway. They don’t involve me in these decisions.
Reminder: a 5 is alright. The Reds Are Gnarling Up The Hill Boys.
SIMON MIGNOLET: 9
That save onto the post is magic. Him smiling after saving from their keeper charming. The sheer effort in kicking the ball as far as he fucking can, right, endearing. Have a 9. Like on Moviewatch when they gave a higher mark because they liked an actor.
GLEN JOHNSON: 7
Did alright. Flanno comes in and does that and the internet Meg Ryans its face off. Though Meg would actually climax repeatedly with Flanno so it is swings and roundabouts.
DEJAN LOVREN: 8
Found his level? You bad snide. Was legitimately good. Actually good. And he really wants it to work. Smoulderingly handsome as well. Gets him a bonus point when he plays well and gets him docked one when he doesn’t.
MAMADOU SAKHO: 7
Please get fit again. Please. Soon. Memo – Mignolet isn’t coming for anything like that. Just letting you know.
KOLO TOURE: 7
Loads of Koloing. For better for worse. For richer for poorer. Never knowingly under Koloed.
ALBERTO MORENO: 6
Six looks harsh given the above. Shouldn’t. Did fine. Had both nuts and bolts. Needs to add a corkscrew.
LUCAS LEIVA: 8
Some good direct passing, standing on toes, you know the drill. Love all that. Wish he was my mate.
JOE ALLEN: 8
Does well. All the business is done by him. Should have won a penalty. Like his jib.
JORDAN HENDERSON: 6
Brilliant for the goal. Worked hard but just never got himself going. Great to hear his song belted out.
RAHEEM STERLING 6
150 grand a week for that!?
Loads of good stuff and threat. Just not quite enough end product. Six looks harsh. It probably is harsh but it is what I have written here and I am sticking to it. He’s really growing into his face.
DANIEL STURRIDGE: 6
Keen as onions. Still not as sharp as we’d all hope and as The Reds could do with. Looks a teammate light up there but the NUMBERS don’t care about that shit and get on your back in ISOLATION.
PHILIPPE COUTINHO: 14
Sausage dinner gets you double points.
Bright and that. Lovely finish. Doesn’t look interested in not winning the FA Cup which is good.
Lambo: Ran round and that. 5.
Probably too high an average for a performance that lacked a sniff of quality and, obviously, goals. But what do you want from me? AS IF you can mark footballers objectively out of ten.
Pics: David Rawcliffe-Propaganda