https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uC8w6X8oSo

ARRIGO Sacchi called football “the most important of the unimportant things in life”.

I love this quote, not only for its poetry but also for how it perfectly sums up how I feel about the game that has dominated my life. I know that war, famine and homelessness are all far more important things than whether Glen Johnson’s contract is renewed or not. But, rightly or wrongly, I get far more passionate about the latter.

Equally, I know that in the real world he isn’t as bad as a murderer, dictator or member of the Tory Party, but I still think Jose Mourinho’s a massive c***.

There are loads of reasons why I have a hatred of him. I get irrationally furious when women say he’s attractive, for example, when I think he looks like the Spitting Image puppet of John Major without the glasses.

I’ve also always struggled to understand the media love-in over Mourinho. I suppose, when your job is to fill pages of newspapers or hours of rolling news channels, it must be great to have someone in the public eye who is so willing to give you a good story. Calling Arsene Wenger a “voyeur”, for example. Or referring to himself as ‘The Special One’ — all great stuff for editors and producers. But is it enough to warrant the constant arse licking from the metropolitan elite?

Mourinho’s won a lot in football, the trophies speak for themselves. But if you believed what you read in the news you’d think he’d never lost a game. Whilst his (expensive) Chelsea side may well be on its way to winning at least one trophy this season, he hasn’t won anything since 2012. Even Moyes has won more since then.

There’s also his style of football. Last season neither Liverpool nor Chelsea won the league. But by God Liverpool fans surely had more fun nearly winning it than Chelsea fans did.

At Anfield, Chelsea stopped Liverpool winning the league by putting 10 men behind the ball and hitting the Reds on the counter. What a tediously unimaginative twat Mourinho is. He wins things but football is meant to be entertainment, so when he doesn’t win anything playing in such a negative way, what exactly is left?

There’s also no escaping the fact that he spends money before he wins. It’s not like he’s rocked up at Swansea and made them world beaters on a shoestring. At Porto he spent roughly £10million a season in a league that contains about three teams anyone’s ever heard of. Go on, if you’re not a Portuguese aficionado name a team other than Benfica, Porto and Sporting. Thought not.

He spent £102m in his first season at Chelsea, to add to a team that already contained Veron, Crespo, Mutu and Makelele. A poor team’s manager he most definitely is not.

But my biggest gripe with the Portuguese Prick is that he is hypocrisy personified. Football is lies, we all know that. I doubt, for example, that Peter Crouch’s feet actually did stick out the bed. Nor do I have any proof that Luis Garcia ever drank any sangria. Plus, no matter what their fans might claim, Stoke really aren’t the greatest team the world has ever seen.

The manner in which Mourinho’s hypocritical, lying bullshit is allowed to go unchecked, though, is often rather mind-boggling. Remember when he slagged off Tottenham and said they went to Stamford Bridge to “park the bus”? What about when West Ham were accused of playing “19th Century football”? Or when he whinged about teams who waste time? I honestly can’t be bothered pointing out all the times he could have been talking about his own team.

This is the bloke who said he wanted to be Liverpool manager before he went to Chelsea, who slags off his own players and fans, who complains about anything and everything that he can possibly think of — as long as it deflects away from his own failings and the failings of his team

Yet still he is revered.

Maybe my disdain for Mourinho is tied up in the fact that he’s Chelsea’s manager. Chelsea, the most classless of the nouveau riche clubs. But then again, he belongs there. This is a man who gouged the eye of an opposition team’s assistant manager, lest we forget.

I didn’t care about Chelsea in the days before Abramovich, probably because them being a rival to Liverpool was the exception rather than the rule. Since the Russian came in, though, the fans have acted as though they’re entitled to win everything just because they can buy the best.

Liverpool spent money last summer as well, and you can read all about how much and on what elsewhere. However, the Reds were investing in the future on players who will hopefully form the backbone of a winning team for years to come. Whatever you think of our transfer strategy, buying Markovic and Can does not equate to buying Fabregas and Costa. Especially when you consider the strength of the sides they were being added to. So yes, we’ve spent money. But I’d far rather see Liverpool FC achieve success by investing in the future than under the ownership of some dodgy Russian oligarch.

Under Abramovich’s ownership Chelsea have had some classy managers — Ranieri, Ancelotti and, of course, Benitez — but neither the owner nor the fans have seemed particularly happy when that’s been the case. They are seemingly at their most comfortable when an eye-gouging, hypocritical whinging shitcoat is in charge, because then what’s in the dugout can best reflect what’s on the pitch.

If Mourinho had come in instead of Rafa back in 2004, perhaps Liverpool would have won that elusive title already. But at what cost? You can dance with the devil if you want a silver coin, but when the song stops you’re left feeling dirty and wondering if it was worth selling your soul. One trophy won the right way will be worth 10 won through shit-housing. And that’s what matters to me.
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