WE’RE nearly ready.

The running order was completed last night. Everyone should know where they need to be when. What we are talking about in what order. Everyone should know all this but it occurred to me it might help if you know. I need you on your A game. I need you at your best, OK? I need you focused. I need you to be ready to do this, not just for yourselves but for your families, OK? OK. So…

Doors – and the bar – at the Royal Hotel and Merrill Leisure Club in Bray will open at 5. 5! 5 (FIVE). This is serious business. There will be TAW people milling around, saying hello, having a settler. But more importantly there will be Guillem Ballague signing copies of his book Pep Guardiola: Another Way Of Winning. Another way of winning! How luxurious. How decadent. Just one would do.

As you enter though you will be given a sheet to fill in. You will be asked three things. The first is for a suggestion for a non-football opening question. The second is the worst player ever to play for Liverpool. The third is if you want to play the schoolyard game. Think carefully about all these things. I don’t want loads of sheets that read thus:

  • Favourite colour
  • Djimi Traore
  • Yes

The last first – we will be playing the schoolyard deep into the evening. You will be onstage in front of your peers. You will be under massive time pressure. The lights blinding you. Tony Evans behind you scoffing as you choose Igor Biscan instead of Terry McDermott. The sweat. The panic. The clock ticks down. You wish you hadn’t had those shots. You were only messing about and now you can’t remember who you picked first and you look across the stage, eyes pleading towards Kristian Walsh. Walsh isn’t going to help you now.

On the other hand it might be a laugh. And we’ll sort some prizes.

Worst player, well show a bit of imagination. You’ve been watching Liverpool for years. You’ve seen some stinkers. Surprise me.

And so opening question. Let’s not go laddish. Let’s not go bland. Let’s really get people going through their paces. Let’s not make it easy for them. Them. Who are they?

  • Gareth Roberts
  • Jim Boardman
  • Mike Girling
  • Tony Evans
  • Guillem Ballague
  • Rob Gutmann
  • Kristian Walsh
  • John Gibbons

They will hit the stage with me at 7pm. 7pm sharp. We’ve a load to fit in. We’re effectively running a full auction house for the HJC (details here) in the middle of this. Guillem’s going to talk about his book, we’ve the schoolyard as mentioned. We want to do a Q&A. And then we want Tea Street on at 10.15pm at the latest. OK. I’ll be honest. 10.30pm at the latest. 10.15pm is the aim though. Once they are done everyone is putting a mini DJ set together. I’ve seen Girling’s. I’ve seen Roberts’. I can offer a guarantee that between this and The Tea Street it is going to go off. The bar closes at 2 am.

The moral of all this:

  1. Get in sharpish.
  2. Plan for a late one. We’ve a bar till two.
  3. Bring your football brain.
  4. Wear your dancing shoes.

We’re going to have a party, we’re going to have a party, we’re going to have a party…

In Bray on Saturday night.

In Bray on Saturday night.

In Bray on Saturday night.

We’re going to…

Oh my. It just hit me. She couldn’t, could she?

See you Saturday.